From Lady Alcina Dimitrescu: Today was a rough day for me. I finally got the courage to tell my husband, who I still love, that I am not in love with him. He has severe PTSD and anger issues. We fight a bit and he yells and gets angry rather easily. He always tells me that if I leave him, he’ll die. He does have suicidal thoughts. Over the course of our marriage I’ve become more of a caretaker and parent to him and our son, rather than a wife. I’ve been feeling numb inside and feeling like I just don’t know what to do. We’ve talked about how we don’t believe in divorce. I still mostly don’t. I want us to work things out. I want to be in love with him again. I just am unsure now about us. We’ve been together for 15 years. I survived a deployment with him, I’ve stuck by his side through everything. I’m just tired, emotionally drained and I am thinking of seeing a therapist. I just don’t know.
From Goldface: No wonder you are emotionally drained, taking care of your son and husband for 15 years straight without stop. It is not your fault at any point and you are amazing the way you are. I think you two should see to couple therapist, they help out amazingly in getting things back to normal. And, whatever happens, don’t blame yourself for it because you didn’t go wrong at any point in time, you did what was right for your family.
Most definitely, see a therapist. It sounds like if you don’t do something to change the patterns that are happening between you, it’ll only get worse. If your husband is feeling so dependent on you, it’s doubtful that he feels like he’s a whole person. Saying that he will die without you places in an unfair burden on you. Each partner needs to feel strong enough to know they can survive on their own if necessary. When both partners feel that way, they can stay together because they appreciate each other. That is a far better relationship than one that is based on tragic emotional dependence.
With severe PTSD, he needs therapy, if he’s not already getting it. It’s very hard for a person with PTSD to fix their own issues without help.
Feeling numb is a defense mechanism of the mind. The problem with it is that circumstances continue to be ignored, even as they get worse.
You’ve been together for 15 years. To me, that provides evidence that there is reason for hope. Fighting and yelling is a less effective means of communication than thoughtful listening, especially active listening in which you encourage the other person to express themselves completely. Sometimes partners can establish such communication if one or the other sets an example of how to do it.
The person you are in love with is still there under the layers of pain. Hopefully, the pain can be managed or relieved. If that happens, the two of you can start getting to know each other all over again.
From Rohini_868: I applaud your courage in bringing up the issue with him directly. therapy sounds like a solid idea, being a caretaker is hard tiring work, and you also have to look after your own emotions and needs. 15 years is long, and you’re both been through a ton in that time, both as individuals and as a couple.
This took a lot of bravery Dimi, and I hope things get better with the right support and help. It might be the case of getting to know each other again, as the people you are now, and finding the ways to connect and fulfill both of your needs healthily in this relationship. We’re here for you, please use this space as much as you need! You matter, friend 
From Lady Alcina Dimitrescu: Thank you. It was scary.=