I’m just feeling so overwhelmed these days.I suffer from depression and anxiety. I either feel completely numb and nothing at all or I’m overwhelmed with the pain and anxiety I’m feeling, often leading to having a panic attack. I want to stop cutting myself but it feels like it is the only thing that brings me some relief when it all gets too much. And when I’m numb it helps me to at least feel something even if it is the pain from hurting myself. Besides that I feel completely useless and worthless and like a burden and I deserve nothing better than causing myself harm. I just feel lonely and isolated right now and I desperately want things to get better but I’m feeling like there is no way I could ever be okay again. Maybe I’m just too broken, too damaged to ever get better again?
Trust me nobody is too broken or too damaged to get better again, sure it takes time, patience and a lot of work but u can and will get better. U know self harm is not the way. U want to feel something, help some one in need. No matter how bad u r, u wil feel better. I know how it feels, I have ben through more than my share, but am trying. Trying, that is all that matters.i know how hard panic attacks can be, I advise u consult a therapist.but u know panic attacks pass too. Every one deserves to live , u r not useless. There is so much potential to human life, we just dnt realise it. You deserve better. Loneliness isn’t a bad thing always. If u don’t want to be reachout. Dnt be so afraid of rejection. U know some people call loneliness a passion. I never knew loneliness could be described by that word.you are not a burden. You are a beautiful thing that can embrace life.
Koa19,
Eff, ha. As I was reading this I could feel how it really feels like everything’s broken, how there’s no gaps, how everything overlaps, and it feels like there’s no way out from under the rubble of your life that’s crashed on top of you.
Except when I got to the part about your hope. Your heart, your desire, your glimmer of a belief that things can get better…that your heart somehow still beats, still hopes amidst these circumstances…it’s noteworthy…it’s strong. I believe you can make it out of here because your heart can be the most powerful force on the planet. If you still have that, you still have hope.
To add fuel to that fire, there is no one who is too broken or too damaged to get better. I fundamentally believe that.
To make it more attainable, one thing that might be helpful is to begin to better define what “better” is. For instance, if “being clean from self harm” is the only way you’re defining “getting better”, then you might feel discouraged every day you use. But there’s so many other ways to define getting better. For instance, how often are you feeling grateful for the good in your life? How often are you able to be “present” and feel the breeze on your skin? How often do you surrender the problems of your life and accept yourself as you are? How often do you enjoy the food you’re tasting? How often do you laugh? You could measure “Getting better” in a million ways! Some are so much more attainable than others. It would be worthwhile for you, instead of trying to remove ALL OF THE RUBBLE ALL AT ONCE…to start to take out one piece of rock at a time. Maybe start right now by picking one thing in your life to be thankful for…your phone, your computer, your friend, your breath, your shirt, your coffee, your lunch, your home, whatever. That’s one rock. And boom…you’re already getting better. Not too broken for that, huh? 
Hope this helps.
Thank you so much for understanding and for your advice. I’ve never thought about getting better this way. Being clean from self harm seems so far out of reach right now but the things you mentioned actually feel attainable… Thank you so much!