In November, I went through a very nasty breakup. It was horrible to the point where I was ready to take my life that day. Unfortunately, I had a therapy session as soon as my girlfriend broke up with me and my therapist rushed me to the hospital. I just wanted to hide from the world but this was bringing more attention.
In the hospital, they took everything from me: my underwear, my jewelry and my phone to communicate with the outside. I laid in bed for five to eight hours. My mom eventually came to the hospital and I bursted out crying. She didn’t know I was dating and she didn’t know I liked girls (I’m pansexual).
Fast forward, I have a great boyfriend. We haven’t been dating long, but I find myself… feeling too much. I’m already pretty much head over heels for him and he lets me know that he’s still growing those same feelings for me, but something in me is telling me that I’m just in the way and feeling too much.
I wish I didn’t feel this way so soon about him… but I can’t help it. Sometimes I wonder why I even made it out of the hospital that night… sometimes I wish I wouldn’t have said anything to my therapist and just took my life when I got home, I wouldn’t have to deal with these feelings.
I hate myself for feeling so much and I hate myself because I want his love so much… sorry if this topic is all over the place but my headspace is really bad right now…
To have feelings is human. Trust me, there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s a good thing that you said something, because you have potential to do a lot with your life, potential that would’ve been gone if you weren’t here. You’re still young, and the path you go down is sure to amaze you, you’ve just gotta stay on it.
Feelings can be tricky. That which makes us who we are can so often seem to hurt us. But without emotions, we’d be robots. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk.
Stay strong; you are loved
~Danny
I understand how bad breakups are i went through a nasty one to about 5 months ago then i got into a new relationship and i was also head over heels i don’t know whats gonna happen he says he feels the same but truely i think im to attached already i have to many feelings too so
i can understand on some level how you feel. But i am so happy you are still hear it goes to show how strong you are and we want you to stay here. It’s okay to have strong feelings u can’t really control those or how you feel.
It is also fine to want his love it’s completely normal especially if you might be feeling a bit lost which i am not saying you are but have you tried talking to him about how you feel?
maybe if you did and he told you how he felt you would feel a little better
and don’t hate your self for having feelings and caring about some one we are here for you if you want to talk
Powerful feelings makes you a powerful person. Channeling that power into physical creative goals is healthy, while pinning it all up inside causes overloads. Find positive ways to express your powerful feelings into something tangible. Even if it doesn’t help you feel better, it will definitely help you travel through it easier.
First of all - welcome to the community & thank you for sharing part of your story with us. <3 It sounds like you are still working on your relationship with yourself and building up rapport with your therapist as well, which is a good thing! I’m sorry to hear your experience in the hospital was not great, but I’m glad your mom was able to support you. Is she still supportive of you now that she understands you are pansexual? It’s sometimes impossible to control how we feel about someone, as long as you are communicating to him and he’s understanding and communicating to you, that’s all you can do.
In case you need any of these, remember that you matter and are worthy of love:
Suicide Lifeline in the US: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
International: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
To text a trained Crisis Counselor, text HOME 741741
Thank you for being here! <3 I can definitely understand the feeling of having a lot of strong feelings- I am also super empathetic and I fall really hard for people. It can be overwhelming, especially when your partner takes their time. Feelings are weird (your brain is literally jelly and chemicals!), but as long as you guys are communicating clearly and you feel supported, cared for, and respected by him, that’s the most important part. <3
