Too young too be/feeell thiis ooldd

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Im 52 yrs old, not a grandma yet, but between my brain and my body I feel lìke i could very well be over 100.

Starrting with my brain, diagnosed with, BPD, Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features, Anxiety, PTSD, Tardive Dyskenisia, have had 2 minor strokes, have memory difficulties and dyslexia.

Bodÿ time, starting at the top, 7 concussions that required hospitalization, at least 10 minor ones that were taken care of by parents, have lost 5 adult teeth and six about to go due to genetics making the die and rot from the inside, throat is scarred and further into esophagus due to stomach acid and bile being regurgitated regularly.
More if the neck but the back of it, 2 spinal fusions, the exterior one resulting in a staphylococcus infection that reulted in anothher surgery to remove it and along with it they took a a huge chunk of the back of my neck, leaving me with a flat neck and a plethora of medical problems, namely; both hands having fully and some partially numb fingers, i can no longer use my arms as i once did as they seeevered the muscless across the top of my back from thhe hairliine down to the top of theem shoulders, so neither arm has its support system, nerves or balance anymore nor does my neck where you can feel the spine, the bulging disk and where the the vertebrae are slipping. Then theres the Arthritis that has been just like the back trouble, started when i was a late teen, and all genetic (thanks grandma, or should it be great-grandma?) Anyway , arthritis in 86% of my spine as of this writing. And having it pop up randomly in other places in my body yay!
Further down, where i badly bruised my ribs in a fall, there is a spot that to this day flares up and makes me feel like i just xylophoned my ribbs down the side of that bed all over again.
Bit further and we reach the stomach, IBSd. A party id rather never never invite no one to. Had this for years, a lot of years like since i was kid years . Hell i started the back trouble when i was 17.

There is so much more but ive stayed up way past my bedtime and I have a doctor appointment today. Ill look in to see if anymore gave a crap to read an old broads fetid rambling.

So long and thanks for all the fish! -flippers off-

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Hey friend,

Thank you for sharing this with the community today. You’ve certainly been through A LOT. The fact that you’ve made it 52 laps around the Sun while dealing with all of this is incredible. It just goes to show the incredible strength you have and continue to display. I know it probably gets really hard from time to time, but it’s inpsiring to know that you just keep going.

reading through your post reminded me of a person I had the pleasure of working with a few years back. Here’s a link to a quick video about him that should say everything I wish I could…

“The Answer to the Great Question… Of Life, the Universe and Everything… Is… Forty-two,’ said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.”

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That is a lot to go through. Thank you for taking the time to share.
You’ve had several health conditions that have deteriorated your body, and it doesn’t look like these troubles will stop. I imagine that you’re left feeling exhausted all the time, and you miss being able to do the things you used to be able to do.

Know that you are loved, and you are worth more than your conditions.
I found a quote that you might enjoy:

“I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, “what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?”
Death thought about it.
“CATS,” he said eventually. "CATS ARE NICE.”
― Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

I hope that you are able to find that thing for you that makes life worth living in spite of what you are going through, whether it be cats, sunsets, good hugs, or anything else that can lift your spirits.
Take care, and Hold Fast

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Oh @LithiumLullaby, these are definitely not ramblings, and you are absolutely welcome to share how life has been for you! Thank you for the time you took to share all of this. I can imagine that, on top of dealing with all of this on a daily basis, it’s also an exhausting exercise but to go through the process of listing it all.

Man, you’ve really been dealing with a lot, and saying this is such an understatement in itself. Reading your words, it made me feel so uncomfortable for you. It feels like you are dealing with something, then the only question you could ask yourself is a sort of: okay, what’s next now? It feels like there is this constant waterfall of struggles and pain coming at you, and I can only imagine how discouraging it must have felt at times. Having multiple diagnosis myself and chronic illnesses, I’ve definitely felt at times like the universe was playing a bad joke at me and I should just resign from even trying anymore. Some days you find strength through the adversity you face, and other days you just want to shout a big F to everything and everyone around.

You didn’t choose any of this, and I really want to emphasize and outline how brave you’ve been for navigating what must have felt like endless diagnosis processes and medical interventions. If you ever need to vent, or just an ear to listen, you have a safe space right here.

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