NEED SOME LOVE.
I recently filed a police report for my childhood abuse. A detective reached out to me to begin a video recorded interview in order to initiate a formal investigation. It was scheduled for today. I am so proud of my strength and resilience. I feel so empowered being able to own my past and call it what it is.
Yesterday, I saw my baby and its little heartbeat for the first time. In that moment, I couldn’t imagine moving forward with this interview. Knowing the stress and incredible emotional turmoil it will inevitably cause, the cost for legal support, the constant reminder every single day going through to trial… I know I could have handled it on my own - but I cannot bring myself to let my past come anywhere near my child. What affects me and my body now, affects them in one way or another.
I’m struggling to let go of what I could have potentially stopped, if anything, by continuing with this. It makes me sick he has never taken responsibility, never served time, never paid any dues for anything he’s ever done… and his 2 kids now… I want to protect them with every ounce of my heart. I want them to have a chance.
I know I can’t protect everyone. I can’t save everyone. I just need to come to terms with knowing that I let it go. I let him go.