I also message my close friend before my social media break. My aunt die on Thursday, I really want to have her be by my side, I was about to insult and be abuse but in stead sent something else. So what I had sent
“I’m sorry that could have handle things better. I did not mean make you feel guilty or put my problems onto you. My therapist that deal with stuff in past and I tent to take out on people. I should have talk about this stuff in person. Instead being passive aggressive or pulling you a mess up guilt trip. I know you probably did not mean to hurt me.
Thank you so much give a chance to know me. For giving support in my skateboarding, music and mental health. Also showing great food, tissues clean face wipes, showing new skate park and meeting new friends. You honestly made my summer a lot fun. Side thanks show some cool music such hip pop, strip mall.
Most important thank you making not ashamed of my virginity. I still struggle with it, you did remind that enough for who I am. I’m greatful for you. Thank you “
She did respond, say she could had handle better, she keep telling she want to talk about but she still need more time.
I felt stupid then I sent that my aunt was dying and could use a friend.
Next I sent was “ All the issue had nothing to do with you” I had took out on you.
My therapist said I was blaming her for my past trauma.
I wish end with first message, I could had easier time moving on. But I felt twisted bring up my aunt death and it probably put her on guilt trip.
It sounds like she was okay with you letting her know your aunt died. Actually it makes sense - one loss reminding you of another. The thing to do now in relation to her is keep letting go. By that, I mean letting go of the unhealthy obsession and craving for more of her attention than she’s ready to give.
Give it a day or two, then message her that if you leaning on her emotionally made her uncomfortable, you apologize.
I believe that Wings said some helpful points here.
She recognizes your pain, and she did her best to express that she cares-- but at the same time wanting to respect a boundary that she needs more time to process things between you both, herself, and her life before she can have a conversation of that. Some time away from each other could do you both some justice. It sounds like the time already apart has helped you see some places where past conversations have led to some poor outcomes, especially with what your therapy has said to provide some insight.
Diagnostic journaling is a mindfulness technique that helps you gain grounding with a tough situation:
You sit with your journal and begin with an activation
Pick an emotionally charged event (one with sentimental significance, particularly deep pain, or particularly strong joy). Be VERY specific.
Set a timer for 10 minutes and answer these specific questions in this specific order:
What happened?
What do I think?
How do I feel?
Do not move onto a new question until the previous is complete
Then you Debrief:
How did it go? Where did you get stuck? Were any of these questions specifically hard?
I hope that these can both provide you some support through this. Continue to make positive strives, and take care. Feel free to keep providing us updates.