I feel like all of my progress is for nothing. It’s been years and l still have the same thoughts of hurting myself or just committing. I feel like being clean from self harm makes me more prone to acting on the suicidal thoughts. I’m afraid one day I’ll lose control. Maybe self harming again would make me less suicidal.
Maybe I’m not making enough progress on my mental health and should just be alone for awhile. I hate seeing how much my mental issues affect the people l care about.
From: j71s8 (Discord)
You are so loved! You matter so much! You are so deeply cared for! I know how deeply the feeling of wanting to end life can be. It becomes all consuming at times, it becomes the darkness that dissolves you. But that darkness is not you! You are doing great! You are worthy of continuing this path that is free of self-harm. Being free of self-harm is very difficult, but you are doing it! Progress isn’t measured in how fast or slow you go, progress is the fact that you are doing it! You are doing it and that is awesome! You are loved! You matter! You are cared for!
From: Night/in/gale (Discord)
Hey Isabella! You are very much loved and appreciated here 
. I can relate to feeling that all the progress is going to waste. It’s a horrible feeling and turns into a cycle that’s so hard to break out of. Having talked with a good number of therapists about it and still feeling like dying would be the best option, I can understand your feelings that SH might make you less suicidal, but it doesn’t. It may make you feel better in the short run, but in the long run it will bring you more pain than relief, and living with the scars of SH is not a fun battle. If you feel like you need to be alone for a while to recover a bit, go ahead! But don’t lose yourself in a state of self isolation because that’s when the dark thoughts come back. And it is painful to see people you care about in pain, but they are there for you and they love you. Every little step of progress you make will amount to something great in the future, you just have to trust the process! Keep at it, because you are worthy of living a good life, free of pain. We love you lots and are so glad you’re here
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