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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Hot To Be Me by Ren Ft Chinchilla
um, I had to cut my dad out of my life, and for the most part, it’s been really freeing. Not having the abuse. However, I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that I’m a giant piece of shit for doing it. I know that’s not the case, but I still feel that way. I don’t know how to make it stop. That being said, this song, and Ren’s music in general helps alot.
First things, it is so brave to share such deep personal an panful experience. Changing such significantly a relationship with parent is never an easy decision and time. It is understandable that you are conflicted about it. From one hand your personal needs, what is really good for you that only you know, and all the world around, society, how we are raised, growing with respect to parents all around. Yes, for sure it is real dilemma to struggle with. For sure freedom and guilt are the emotions that are both valid and i think can coexist, even if this seems hard.
However it sounds… i kinda did similar in my life. At some point i had to reduce contact with one of my parents as i realized i cannot sacrifice my own life to become their emotional boxing bag. Basically it was either my mental health or their satisfaction… and here i am… many years later, living my life and sometimes reaching out for casual interaction.
It is ok to not have all the answers straight away, or being conflicted because of you value yourself and to some point still see human in others. It takes time and it might not be a straight line, but…I want to again express my respect to you for taking care of yourself, trusting your needs, your goals, what is important to you. Especially in such difficult moment of decision and then consequences that are not easy to go with.
I am sure with time, self-compassion, and your attention to your needs you will solve this! Keep holding on to what makes you feel strong, whether it’s music, supportive people, or any other “channel” that gives you peace.
You’re not alone in this, and your feelings are valid. You are worthy of love, and freedom. Be gentle with yourself
