Hello, today is December 4th, 2021. I am writing today to post an update on my potential changes to mental health and well being. I know I have said before in my last journal entry that I was starting therapy. I had a bad episode the night before I had therapy which was November 29th. I started feeling lightheaded/dizzy, my body started getting super hot, I started sweating and my whole body started tingling and feeling funny. I was actually putting my 5 month old sons coat on him when this all had hit and I had him laying on the floor. Once I felt all this I left him alone on the floor while I laid back by him. I told him I’m sorry buddy your down there but mommy feels funny and don’t trust picking you up right now. I laid back still spinning and feeling funny, so than I checked my blood pressure and it was normal. I finally started feeling better so I put him in his car seat and we drove home. I got home and started feeling all the same things still and again. I decided to make a over the phone video call with an on call doctor to talk about my symptoms because they didn’t subside much and it started freaking me out. The doctor told me I had an anxiety attack or was going through one. I had my first therapy appointment November 30th and I was anxious about it. I got to the doctors office and filled out all my paperwork that I had to do before I seen my therapist. My therapist than came out and got me to start our session. She started asking me questions, started doing the intake evaluation of me and everything, I started sweating again and apologized to her because I than took my coat and everything off. I also explained to her how I had the episode and than she had me explain what I was feeling. I explained everything and told her the on call doctor said I had an anxiety attack, she said, “honey you didn’t have an anxiety attack, you had a panic attack!” So I had an actual panic attack that night before therapy. I than also had a slight anxiety attack at therapy talking to her I started sweating and my eyes started becoming distorted. We talked through the session and finished everything. I go back next week to see the psychiatrist/nurse practitioner to see if I’m suffering from anxiety disorder, panic disorder and depression. Than once she diagnoses me with what is going on, I am than gonna be put on medicine which I am terrified of, but I also need to do it to better myself for not just me but for my son and family. I still haven’t had much energy and I still had vertigo and tingling every now and than. I also went to the doctor the day after because I was having ear pain and everything than got diagnosed with a middle ear infection so been taking 875mg of amoxicillin for that. Today as in December 4th, I am at work and feeling awake, a little more energized and a little more like myself. I did a lot of cleaning today so far and still have 2 1/2 hours to go before I’m off and I’m already drained of energy because I did so much. I haven’t felt this good in awhile and I’m taking it in while I can because it’s an amazing feeling. I hope and pray that I continue to feel like this along with therapy and being put on meds. This is just one step closer to my road of recovery and I cannot wait to see the outcomes of the steps that I am taking to better my mental health. Here is to the ending of my second journal entry and I’d thought I’d share so I could come back and look at how far I have came with journal entries and how I have been feeling since everything! Thank you so much Heart Support this website is amazing and have amazing people that help support you one way or another! I’m glad to be apart of this community now! 
oh friend,
there is so much good news/hopeful news in this post!
First, I’m really proud of you having the awareness to not try to pick up your kid when you thought it was unsafe. He was safe where he was, and big big appreciation to your doing that. And during a panic attack no less!! Glad that things feel better for you now, I hope this journal entry will help you if you even need to reassure your future self.
And as always, lovely to hear from you and be updated! Keep going, you got this!
Hey @averagemom21,
This is not “just” one step closer to recovery. This is an entire pack of HUGE steps that you have been taking there. Oh my gosh! What an amazing journal entry. So much beauty and resilience in your willingness to welcome help in your life, whether it’s through therapy, medications, receiving diagnosis too.
Therapy is not going to be an easy road - it is also made to ask yourself questions you might be afraid to approach, and leave your comfort zone from time to time. But this is going to be so nurturing to you. Finding again some stability, learning to cope with your emotions, managing the symptoms of your depression and anxiety. This is good @averagemom21, it’s really good. I hope you’re proud of yourself, because I know how these steps can be very scary and confusing at first.
We will keep standing by your side through this journey as long as you are willing to invite us to be part of it. Thank YOU for sharing your life here and display such an incredible amount of vulnerability. You are not alone, friend. And you are so loved.
PS - This week at Heartsupport is on the theme of Creative Encouragement, so I wanted to share some love with you with this little drawing this morning. It’s not much, and please bear with me because I’m freaking insecure about it haha. But hey… following your example of vulnerability there. Thank you for showing the way. 
Just yet another way to send a reminder of love to you.
Keep growing, friend. You are wonderful.
@Micro that’s LOVELY!!! like space and the stars wrapped up in a snuggle buddy!!
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