Update 3: Demotivation and isolation

Hey Heartsupport, here’s another update on what’s up.

This morning I talked with my GP doc, although it was for only ten minutes (the maximum legally for appointments that are not stuff like physicals here in canada), but I’ve gotten a lot covered. I’m going to book an appointment with a psychologist, calling them soon, but probably not able to see them within this month, or January since they are already booking. The GP didn’t provide much help, he pretty much just regurgitated my words back at me in medical lingo. Asked me stuff like “do you have friends at school”, “what’s your relationship with your parents and teachers”, “are you stressed”, and stuff along those lines. He did ask me however, if I wanted to be on medication. I said not yet.

So, good news? Booking an appointment, being extremely aware of what’s up, and taking vitamins just in case. Will be doing bloodwork sometime, maybe.

Bad news? Moods are getting more erratic and shorter in moments between. I’ve had a weird mood all day, going between “me”, “isolationist”, and lastly, “pissy/bitchy” (thanks mom for that mood). Girl problem? Kinda. I’ve stepped back, but I’ve been told by some of our friends that she’s been “out of it” since I’ve stepped back. I told her that i needed space, and that i needed to rethink our relationship. Soooo. Shitty feeling on that part. Noticing more and more now, that I’m attaching to things that are contributed to my birth father (parents separated when I was born, divorced when I was five, six ish), like the company he used to work with, and some photos he had of oilfield equipment, mainly drilling rigs (he was a deckhand in the field). It’s weird, and it’s extremely distracting. I’ve subconsciously started thinking he’s close to us, or stopping to see me. I know that’s all bullshit and a lie, he probably won’t even see me graduate. My stepdad might not either, depending on if or when he’s working.

So yeah.
TL;DR: saw GP, referred to psycologist, booking with psycologist soon, mood swings shorter and more erratic, girl problem is sorta a problem still, being emotionally attached to stuff related to birthfather. Thoughts of said parent coming back into life and maybe fucking the shit up.

Keep strong, I’m trying anyways.

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Keep going strong! I’m proud of you!

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Thanks a lot, honestly. It’s nice to hear and know that someone (aside from family) is proud of me for something.

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No problem! I can see that you are working hard and reaching forward like this to get better is a huge step.

You’re not alone. May only good things happen for you.

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