Update on myself

I’ve posted on here before, but it’s been far too long. I’ve finally have admitted to myself that I need help. It stems from an argument that my wife and I got into this past weekend. It was all over the stupid laundry and her way of doing it vs. mine. The joys of marriage, lol. Anyways, I just snapped at her without even realizing that I did it until it was too late. Social media isn’t helping me either. With the decisions on the Rittenhouse case, plus other factors on social media, I pretty much felt myself having a small nervous breakdown. I have looked into different therapists that are covered by my insurance, but haven’t called any to find out if they have appointments or if I need a referral to be seen or how the process even works. Maybe someone can give me insight on possibly choosing the right therapist.



Hey @fenderman1284,

Thank you so much for taking the time to share these updates with this comunity here. It seems that you’ve been through some major realizations lately. Getting to the point of saying “I need help” is, in itself, a very powerful statement. Well done for that. It’s not easy to acknowledge our limits, as we can be tempted sometimes to handle things on our own. I’m glad you’re okay with the idea of seeing a therapist.

As for the decision of which therapist to choose, I’d say that it depends first on practical factors - as you’ve said, if it’s covered by your insurance and also how close they are from where you live. To me, choosing a therapist after eliminating the practical details was mostly based on what they offer/what they are trained for. If you have their informations online, you can generally see what are their qualifications and orientation in terms of therapy. The idea being to choose an approach that matches more with your current needs. So, two questions:

  • What do you need first and foremost/what are the things you’d like to address with a therapist?
  • Do you need more a space to talk or do you need more practical exercises to work on with your therapist?
  • Do you think you need medications?
  • Have you already a selection of therapists covered by your insurance? If yes, what type of therapy do they offer?

Responding to these questions already could help to guide you in terms of choosing a therapist. Feel free to share informations regarding the possibilities of therapy in your area specifically, so we can talk about it and eventually share resources with you.


Your doctor probably knows a few good therapists, and will probably give you a referral. It’s not easy to determine who might be the best therapist, without actually making an appointment and talking to them. At this point, it’s time for you to make a choice, even if you end up switching therapists later.

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In the meanwhile, did you apologize to your wife for snapping at her? Did you let her know that you didn’t mean to do so and that you appreciate her?

Social media makes things harder for many, especially when we’re feeling down about ourselves. Maybe you can give yourself a two-week break from signing in, or I know you can sometimes set time limits to some apps? Try weaning yourself down to 1hr or 30 mins a day so that it’s only the most important message you reply to. Or just go in hard and have a post up that you’ll be busy for two weeks and won’t be able to message/chat much (if you have active circles who will worry about your absence).

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ (Discord)

Hi, I’m sorry you’re having a rough time, but glad you’ve decided you need help. Finding a therapist is like shopping for clothes, sometimes you have to try on a couple before you find the perfect fit. Ask your family doctor for a referral for a psychiatric evaluation and once you go thru that which is usually a couple hours of talking, then you’ll get placed. You can go from there and find someone who fits. Hang tight! ~Lizzy


From: Lisalovesfeathers (Discord)

Hi Friend, Thank you for your post, I would first like to say that its good to see that you are accepting of the fact that you feel you need some help and are looking. Its hard sometimes to admit to yourself that you are finding things difficult or that you have reached a point that you just want a bit of help or advice, so you reach out and you have to have courage to do that so thank you for doing that. I would like to an-swer you last question first, Choosing the right therapist? In my opinion its trial and error, you just have to see who you feel comfortable with, you may find it’s the first one you meet, I don’t personally know of any other way of finding the “right one” I hope that once your therapy begins things will start to settle, your relationship with your wife will improve (no more arguments over silly things) and your frustrations and worries will also lesson. It might also be an idea to lesson the time on social media until things start to get better if it upsets you. In the meantime please feel free to keep in touch with us here. Much love Lisa


So I’ve said something to my doctor about being depressed and thinking I was due to lacking motivation and he said that I might just be in a slump of some kind, just kind of shrugged it off as no big deal. This was a couple of years ago though. I feel as though I want to go to a therapist in another town, so in case I see someone I know in the office, I’m not judged or my family finding out. My wife knows that I want to go to therapy, but as far as my parents, I don’t feel comfortable telling them.

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That’s unfortunate about your doctor. Not all doctors are inclined to be supportive with regards to mental health. I think I have been very lucky with my doctors. It sounds like you know what you’re doing by not involving your family, and taking steps to ensure privacy and confidentiality.

There is a depression screening tool used by the Veterans Administration, that you might find helpful. I should mention that although I feel like I am doing fine, the tool indicates that I am depressed. I suppose that if I’m depressed now, I must have been ultra super depressed in the past. I think in my case, it’s more accurate to say that I am on the fence, susceptible to falling on the wrong side of it, towards depression.

With or without tool, with or without talking to a therapist, if you feel that you have a problem with depression, talk to a therapist. Even if the depression is situational or intermittent, it’s worth becoming familiar with the tools you can use to manage it, and that’s where a therapist comes in.

Here’s the tool, if you want to check it out:


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