This is a bit rushed, but I really need support on this.
So I’ve been trying to slowly cut off contact with my narcissistic mother, but the problem is that whenever she messages me, I get the overwhelming, anxiety inducing urge to message her back immediately. It’s to the point where if I don’t answer her right away, my stomach hurts and I almost feel nauseous. I feel like if I don’t answer her right away, she’ll get angry at me, worry and overreact and will make my whole family reach out to me, to tell me she’s messaged me and I need to respond right away. It’s so frustrating to try to slowly, secretly cut off contact, but still feel the need to respond right away.
The only real reason I’m having a hard time cutting her off completely is because of my dad and brother. I care about my dad and brother, or at least don’t want them completely out of my lives, and I feel like if I cut her off, I have to cut all of them off because she’ll try to reach out to me through them. That’s what’s holding me back. I feel like I’m only holding on for them, when I know that I need to let her go. Does that make sense?
Also, since I’ve moved to a different country, it’s been easier to avoid fights and conversations with her, so she hasn’t been actively narcissistic towards me in the present, but I know 100% that if an argument or anything broke out, she would go full force on me. I still feel like I’m walking on egg shells and trying to preserve her feelings. Why should I care? Of course I don’t want to hurt her or cause her to take her anger and emotions out on the rest of my family, but I’m so tired of it all. I just want her out of my life.
Even if she’s not emotionally abusive to me and a narcissist towards me in the moment, I still have YEARS of trauma to show from it. Who gets nauseous when their mother messages them? It’s not normal. I don’t know what to do and any support, advice, anything is helpful. I just want to be free of this burden and not feel bad about putting myself first
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Hi Friend 
I’m sorry that you’ve had to grow up with a narcissistic mother. I know what that’s like because my xmother in law is, I believe narcissistic although she wasn’t diagnosed. A narcissist would never ever admit that they had a problem, so very few seek therapy.
Dr. Daniel Fox on YouTube is a personality disorder expert and I wanted to share this video with you about how a narcissitic parent can effect their children and ways to cope. He has other videos on this topic as well that I would recommend.
I hope this helps you. Take care!
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