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Update: things are better overall

Hey everyone. Haven’t posted in a long time. Idk if anyone I remember is still posting here but on the off chance anyone is thinking of me, I wanted to provide an update.
I moved to a new country. I don’t speak this language very well but I’m learning it. It’s not like any of the languages I already kinda know so it’s hard. I don’t have many friends here so I feel really lonely all the time when I’m not with my family.
Speaking of, I moved here because I fell in love. My partner is wonderful. They support me so much and I have so much love and support to give them in return.
I quit drinking (quit smoking when I moved here) and got some therapy to help figure out why I was self medicating so hard. It’s been about two and a half years now.
I also started seeing a psychiatrist for the anxiety and depression. It turns out I have ADHD, so I’m finally getting treated for that too. Pro tip: trying to treat your undiagnosed gender and ADHD issues with alcohol and weed will not help them.
So things are better overall, but I still miss people back home and feel sad that I don’t know how to make friends here.

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Sounds like wonderful news! Learning another language benefits the brain a lot. It also promotes more understanding of the related culture. I didn’t get an ADHD diagnosis until I was in college. I’d already been compensating a lot, but really understanding that aspect of myself helped.

I have a theory about ADHD, that it can either be viewed as a deficiency in focus, or simply a different way of thinking. I think we frequently string together intuitive flashes and imagery as our form of inner dialogue. That form of thinking processes a ton more information than a person who only “thinks in words.” It’s no wonder why we tend to feel impatient and distractable. In school, I’d cover the entirety of class material within a few minutes, then get really bored. I’d ace the tests, but fail the classes because I didn’t do the assignments. I could never reconcile the stated purpose of being in school in order to learn, and being able to demonstrate that I had learned, and still fail because I didn’t waste my time dealing with redundant and useless assignments.

Awesome!! these are great updates! I’m so happy for you that you have gotten over your self medicating and you’ve got an awesome person to navigate this new place with!!!

I can barely speak my own language lol, so I can’t imagine trying to be somewhere where I can’t speak the language very well…so I think as you go along learning, you’ll gain traction with friends and new experiences in your new country!

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hey Friend, No I was not here when you last posted but my goodness It does not stop me being so happy for you and so proud of how well you sound and how wonderful your life has become. I think you were so brave to just move to a different country, I have trouble leaving the end of the road lol. I wish you many years of health and happiness with your partner and I hope that I will be here for your next update. Sending love to you. Lisalovesfeathers x

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hello dit2, welcome back to the forum. I’ve only been here for a year, so I don’t know you but your story sounds inspiring and I think you are a very brave person. Moving to a whole other country to be with the person you love is awesome. I’m happy to hear that you have a proper diagnosis and will be able to have the right treatment now. I think that will help you a lot. As far as friends are there activities your city offers where you could meet people? Take care! ~Mystrose

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From: Rohini_868

Hi there dit2,

It’s such a pleasure to meet you!!
Thank you so much for such a lovely wonderful post! I’m so amazed by your bravery to move to be with your love :slight_smile: That is such a courageous thing to do!

I do hope that learning the language goes well for you, and maybe that’ll make it a bit easier to ake new friends. Are there any hobbies you do that you could look for groups where you are? Clubs with singing, or art groups, etc?

Congrats on getting sober, and for all the hard work you’ve put in, and t’s so good to hear that you got diagnosed and are being treated too. Hope the future keeps being bright for you. We’re here for youwhenever you need us :slight_smile: much love to you!

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From: Dr Hogarth

Hi dit2,

Wow! What a journey you’ve been on these past few years! So much change and progress.

Congratulations on kicking both the drink and smoking; that’s not easy by any stretch of the imagination. It takes real determination and strength of character to achieve what you have achieved my friend.

Being in a different country, with a whole different language and culture would be daunting for absolutely anyone. It will take time for you to build new friendships. I have no doubt that you will get there though; just look how far you’ve come already!

All my love and best wishes for the next steps in your adventure! x

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Hi there, I’m pretty new here so I don’t know you from back then, but those are fantastic news. Congratulations! Getting to know a new culture and language sounds exciting even if it can be scary at times. I believe that when you improve your language skills, you will feel less lonely and find new friends, too. It’s beautiful that you found love and are so happy. You should be proud of yourself for all the progress you made health-wise. Now that you are properly diagnosed and treated, I hope things will improve even further. I wish you all the best for your future!

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I wish i had more positive things to say about experiencing adhd, but so much of it was suffering. I couldn’t remember or pay attention to stuff. I couldn’t plan or prepare for stuff properly. I couldn’t react to new situations because i’d get overwhelmed and want to escape.

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I hope that learning the local language will help me. There are other barriers to overcome when it’s time to make new friends, but maybe i’ll make a new post about it. Basically i’m still in the closet professionally and i can’t legallaly transition yet. So i want to make friends who won’t out me at work.

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Thank you, that’s very sweet. It was very tough to move far away. I miss my friends and family i left. It’s getting easier with time and effort. Lots of therapy helped.

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There are activities available, in theory. My hobbies aren’t super niche. Thing is, I haven’t looked into anything since the pandemic started. Plus i’ve only been studying the language for two months straight and I’m not even close to conversational. Don’t want to rely on other people maybe knowing some English. And I don’t drink so that makes things awkwad in this culture.

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It was rough for me too. I was often overwhelmed by the drudgery of classes. I’ve learned that susceptibility of losing focus can be greatly reduced by taking a break as often as possible. Research has found that the average person starts zoning out after about 20 minutes of a lecture. That’s why hours long classes are a stupid idea, and especially excruciating for a person with ADHD. I started purposely letting my mind wander every 15 or so minutes, then I could re-focus with a decent level of alertness. When I did that, I’d usually get more out of the lectures than the “normal” students.

It’s worth experimenting with different study approaches. Some people learn way better if they can verbalize whatever they’re trying to absorb. Others remember things through visualization. There are counselors that can help you optimize your learning style.

I don’t have a counselor i have duolingo lol

So i may have said this before but i haven’t looked into english-language clubs yet and I’m not fluent enough in the local language to do much else. I appreciate the suggestion. That is the only way I’ll make friends.

tf2 engineer voice 'preciate it, doc

Yeah i think it will improve even further. All my problems are different now and less overwhelming than the old ones. Thanks