Hello servantofallah
I’m sorry that you are having the experience with other people in your life that you are having. I also had problems with being bullied when I was younger, and lack of effort from adults to help me, but I also was internalizing a lot of my emotions and not talking about them. I think that if you have informed the adults in your life, whether it be family or staff at school, and they are doing nothing about what you are experiencing. That is an awful thing to go through. I would encourage you to be certain you are being clear, in telling the people who are supposed to be helping you, how you feel and what help you need. Hiding your negative emotions, and desire to not live is not going to allow people to empathize and truly see what you are enduring. I am not saying you are not fully expressing yourself, but if you are not, I think it is important to do so. If no one is still willing to help you get the help you need. I would encourage you to look for social services in your area of some kind who can potentially help, if there are any. Searching in google Social Services in my area might turn up results for this kind of thing.
You speak a lot about all the other people you try to help, but what about yourself. Try to make yourself happy, the way you try to make others happy. Instead of others, make yourself the center of your efforts to create happiness. Making another person happy, working on bettering another person. Is never going to pay of for YOU in the end. In the end you have to work to make yourself happy, and ignore trying to help anyone else. Until after you have helped yourself. YOU matter. Not them. Self-love, self-care, self-improvement, self-development. Taking solace in becoming the best you. Is a far more important/worthy cause for us as individuals, then helping a person outside of ourselves. In regards to your person, and your life: None of these other people should matter. It does not matter how you treat them. YOU are what is important. How you treat/love yourself is what is important. Treat yourself, help yourself, love yourself. These people who do not see how bad their action are towards you, are selfish and put themselves first likely. You should not treat others poorly like them, but you should put yourself first, and be selfish like them. People who hurt others are not good people, and it is a shame that the things happening to you happen in our world. Being selfish when it comes to our mental health and well being, is a perfectly valid thing to be selfish about.
By not being worried about how you treat others, and instead worrying about how you love/improve yourself. You can build the confidence and personality to no longer care what others think, and how they treat you. Because you treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t find people eventually in your life who will also treat you the way you deserve to be treated, because this is also an important part of life. Having people to share it with, but until those people are found. Loving yourself, and not focusing on people outside of yourself. Can be a huge part of recovering from the feelings you are feeling towards yourself. Supporting others, who don’t support you back, is not going to bring much improvement/value to how you feel. We are here to support you, and to do our best to reply to you, because we care about your ability to eventually learn how to love yourself. How to live, and hopefully some day thrive. I’m not sure if this helps at all, but I hope you can feel a bit better in time, and please feel free to share more if you want/need.