I recently fond myself gathering items that could be used for suicide. I have a full bottle of a 100 ibuprofen and I recently found a way where I can do a single cut, and dig the knife into that cut and cut from there, which even though I have a weak blade, makes it easier to draw blood and get deeper. I unintentionally found this out and I don’t really know why?
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Hi Alex,
I don’t know if you have active plans. If you do, please reach out to crisis resources Crisis Resources | HeartSupport
I am wondering if you feel depressed or if there are other reasons why you might be thinking about suicide. Sometimes our brains can put thoughts into our heads that we don’t really want to do, in that case they are called intrusive thoughts. However I don’t know which is true for you. Maybe you can share a bit more with us if you feel ready for that. And I want you to know that you are valuable and you matter 
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Hi Friend, I am sorry you are feeling this way and yet so grateful that you have reached out here. This is a massive step forward for you to tell people how you are feeling however bad it may sound, we hear you and we support you. We as you can see from above can offer you names of places of support and I would sincerely encourage you to try at least one of them. You are far too important in this life to not be here. I hope between us, a medical professional perhaps and the people that you care for and that care for you, we can all work together to keep you safe. I have found a site that you can also get some information from. Please remember you are loved. Lisa. x
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@leapyeargirl @Lisalovesfeathers
I don’t have any active plans, not anymore. I tried once and I plan on not trying again, not until I decide whether I believe I can feel better, or I believe anything will get worse. I struggle finding the point in life, the point of living in a world that no one cares. I’d love to explain more later, but keep an eye out! I’ll end up doing another vent probably because today’s been bring unwanted feelings, and I’ll go into detail more in my next post.
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I’m one of those average smart kids. I have straight A’s, I’m the only one in my grade at my school with a chance of being valedictorian. Yet, I might have all this, but I still feel empty. I’m still just another nobody, another person trying to hard. I’m unable to understand basic feelings. That’s something that’s been on my mind. I never stopped being suicidal, I’ve never stopped self harming, but I have found something I want in life. I want to love someone. I’ve never really loved, so I want to learn what that feels like before I do anything to stupid to come back from. I wouldn’t say I grew up the worst, but I grew up in a neglectful environment and I matured way to early. I can’t help but wonder, if I stayed a child, if I didn’t have to mature that young, then would I be better mentally now? I was 5 when I started picking up on everything, when I started to understand that I’d need to grow up, I was 8 when I was no longer allowed to simply play, and I was around 9 when I realized that I was fucked. That I couldn’t live here, that I wasn’t loved no matter what anyone says. That’s when I realized how fuckin abusive my home life is, mentally and physically. But I still wonder, how could I have been?
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The one question that I always can’t answer is this: what’s the point in life?
I hate it because it’s always there. I’ve had issues trying to tell what’s the point of trying. In the end we all die, so why not speed it up and just kill yourself? What’s the point of life, if it always end? I understand many say things like family or friends, bullshit like that. But what if you don’t care about anything? What if you can’t find it in you to love a single thing about this world, about anything in my life?
Hey Alex, you have shared here a lot of things that are very important and I’m very thankful that you allow yourself to be vulnerable here.
It sounds like you have grown in abusive and hurtful environment, and from someone who is now an adult and grew up in an abusive environment as well, I can relate to some of the things you describe and to the way you feel. It really makes sense to question if whether or not life is worth it when the very first place you grew up in isn’t one where you were reflected love and worthiness. As you’ve described so well, it leaves you with this obligation to survive and to count on yourself, to grow up too early. It is an injustice that you shouldn’t have known. You deserved to have a peaceful, loving, safe and caring childhood.
Thankfully where you come from does not have to define who you are going to be and it certainly doesn’t define your worth or your right to keep on living. The abuse you’ve been through does not define you. This is probably one of the things that have been the most difficult for me to learn and understand over time, but I can assure you that it is possible to reach that point and to start to embrace what good life has to offer you.
You are with a doubt intelligent and understand well what happened to you, and from this perspective healing is possible. You feel the pain it caused, but you also understand that it was about the environment you were in and people around you, not you.
Loneliness and suicidal thoughts make sense when it feels like the world around you doesn’t want you somehow or at least doesn’t make you want to stay. Even if your mind tries to convince you otherwise, I believe you do care, that there is a part of you that has hope or at least wishes to feel it because it knows that there is more to life than this darkness that you may experience at times.
You matter very much friend, you didn’t post here by mistake, and there are good things that can be learned over time from the very fact that you’ve started to open up here. I see you, I hear you. You are not alone and there is a way out of the darkness that doesn’t imply to hurt yourself in any way.
You’ve been hurting, and now is the time to change the narrative by adding a lot more love and care to your life, first and foremost from yourself. You are worthy and you matter in this world. Please be patient with your heart, treat yourself well and take it one day at a time. There will be light at the end of this rough time. Hold Fast. 
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