Venting about how overwhelmed I am at the moment

From RyanWolfeh: A couple weeks ago I was starting to get back into a pretty bad depression, so I started to think about what was causing it. I figured out it was because of procrastination and stagnation. That day I put in a returning student application to finish my bachelor’s, and started doing things I had put off for years which helped more than I ever expected it would. I was feeling great for about a week, and then my coworker just kinda disappeared. I work with cattle, so it’s pretty intense work. I spent 2 weeks working literally every day as my boss’s only employee, which was pretty tough. Thankfully we have a new guy who started today, so that should help out with my workload. Last week my grandma had to go to the hospital, nothing major, but that was pretty stressful, then Saturday morning my stepdad’s mother passed. My boss was out of town, so I still had to go to work. Hanging out with cattle actually helped a bit, but I still spent the whole day dissociated. I feel like the stress and anxiety from all of this happening are greatly slowing down my productive streak. I’m hoping that soon things will slow down, and I can get back to it, but lately it’s been so much that I spend half my free time sleeping and the rest of that time just playing video games and listening to music to destress. That’s all I’ve got to say on that situation at the moment. I’d like to thank the HeartSupport team for providing this outlet for my overwhelming emotions, and I wish the best towards everyone else on the server as well.


Hey RyanWolfeh

You do have a lot of things all happening at once. So it is natural to feel stressed, or overwhelmed from these things. It is okay to not always be producing your max productivity. Especially when you are overworked and doing a job meant for more people, by yourself. It’s good you are getting a new co-worker and it sounds like you need rest! So resting and destressing with hobbies you like, I think can be a good thing. As long as you can still get back to the routine you want to be on, taking a bit of a break away from it to destress should be okay. I do relate to, and think you are correct about procrastination and stagnation being hurtful for mental health. It is mine anyways. I think working hard to have a routine that keeps the mind busy, and feeling in some way fulfilled is important. That doesn’t mean that we can’t take a small break sometimes to decompress. Just got to make sure we hop back on the routine when we can. Taking too long of a break can make it very hard to get back into the swing of things. Self-care matters equally as much as our productivity in my opinion. Wishing the best for you, your Grandmother, & stepdad. Hope they are doing alright with the things they are experiencing too. If you ever want to share more, we got you! And thanks for the best wishes! <3

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You’ve been dealing with a lot recently, and it makes sense to feel like your body and mind have been shutting down since then. Anxiety can be so paralyzing. I’ve been struggling with this anxiety-induced procrastination myself, for years, and it’s always hard to get back on track when I see myself spiraling like this. It’s hard to accept that our mind has reactions sometimes that are out of fear and a need for safety, but go against what we actually want or have committed to.

It’s absolutely okay though to welcome these reactions as they are, and to give yourself grace as you navigate through it. As you said, for now you’re sleeping a lot and distracting yourself - which is okay, really. Stress can make us feel so exhausted emotionally and physically that some of us need a little more time to recharge and recover.

What’s absolutely brilliant is that you are aware of how this pattern works for you. You manage to name it, you understand how and why it’s happening, and you know also firsthand that at some point this stagnation presents its limits - that there is a risk of bringing more hurt or stress once a limit would have been reached. Somehow, taking action through the anxiety and the discomfort we feel also helps, but it’s overall a matter of finding a balance that works for you at a given time. In other words, it’s okay to be patient and kind to your heart - it’s expressing fears, which is absolutely valid to hear and consider. On the other side, it’s great to be aware that freezing can serve you until a certain point. That somehow, there will be a moment when you will need to transition slowly to doing the things you want to do again, while composing with the fears it creates. Not everyone has such level of awareness about themselves and keep suffering from those cycles without understanding it, pushing the fault on themselves and feeling like they’re lazy, worthless - while in reality it’s much more complicated, and only about being human beings with all of our vulnerability.

I hope that, since you’ve posted, you have been resting as you need and feel like it’s helping you. If you ever feel stuck in this cycle too often, or that it interferes with your life too much, I would of course surely encourage you to consider seeking professional support too, as it can be a real asset when we are trying to develop ways to walk through our anxiety on a daily basis.

Sending much love your way, friend.