Hi, I am new here. I stumbled across this forum doing a Google search about losing inspiration. The truth is I am very depressed but still functional. I still go to work and do self-care but it’s like going through the motions. I feel mostly dead inside and don’t really enjoy life at all. I’ve gotten used to living this way and just take it a day at a time.
I don’t know how to get into my history and life story because it would take several paragraphs. To summarize I have childhood trauma and neglect, been through abusive relationships and experienced other traumas. I have PTSD, BPD, and major depression. I carry a lot of grief, guilt and shame. I can’t remember when I last felt truly happy. I don’t know what would make me happy because nothing does.
I’m in therapy and have been in therapy since last year but don’t seem to be getting better. I just seem to be getting worse and worse. Right now I’m trying to stay afloat with my job because I have a lot of bills and financial problems are the last thing I need right now. But I feel burnt out, perpetually exhausted, unmotivated and quite unhappy. I don’t know what I’m missing in my coping skills or meds but things are just getting worse. I don’t know what I need, except maybe a vacation where I don’t have to deal with things for a while. And can rest.
I’m unfulfilled by life. Single, no kids or pets (can’t have either), approaching 40, in a dead end job, life has been stagnant and I have nothing to look forward to.
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Hey there!
I’m new here as well! I’m also not a professional anything. Just another person willing/wanting to listen.
First of all, I want to commend you on making so many great decisions! I know it may not feel like it, but based on what I’ve read from your post, you’re making great attempts to help yourself.
I don’t want to give you “advice”, because honestly I’m in no position to be able to advise anyone myself. But again my first thoughts after reading you posts is just how impressed I am at how much work you’ve put in with just trying to find answers. Please keep just trying. Try different things. Heck even try the same things.
In one of my past work lives, I was a researcher. Sometimes my research led its way into genealogy and census research. It was amazing how often I’d spend hours upon hours looking into a line of inquiry to come up with absolutely nothing. But then the next day I’d try again and hit jackpot.
You’re doing a great job at the “keep trying” aspect. You’re going about your day-to-day necessities like work and paying the bills, but you’re also seeing about self care, you’re seeing a therapist, etc.
I don’t know you, but I’ve got so much respect for your efforts!
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Hey hey. Thanks so much for your post and for being so so candid with us. I know this video is long, and perhaps more of a ramble than a proper response. But in that i want you to know that you aren’t alone. heartsupport — Mozilla Firefox - Very Depressed - HeartSupport / Support - heartsupport — Mozilla Firefox - 16 August 2024 | Loom