Okay this is very rushed so there is going to be a ton of typos. Plus, this is the first time that this site isn’t blocked on mobile, so if I’m lucky, you’ll see this.
Anyways, I’ve been having some more night problems lately, (suprise, suprise) and they’ve been… Well, to say the least… Interesting. I used to keep having thoughts about X and how we would be together and go on dates and some daydreaming crap and it sounds gay as heck and I don’t know why I thought about it but it’s strange. But now he left the game and I am cut off from talking or seeing him ever again, which is nice, because now I won’t have comforting thoughts about being with him, which I don’t want (I think). However, these thoughts keep coming back as just a general male figure, not the blurry figure of X, and I don’t know how to get rid of them. I know it sounds stupid, and to be honest, it is, but I want to know your thoughts. How does it go away? Anyways, I moved and will never see him or anyone back at that old school again, which is good, but I still have the thoughts. How do I get rid of them?
Also, sorry for the idiot sounding post, I’m tired, it’s extremely late, and I’m not thinking straight, as always. Yay
Edit: okay I regret making this post again, I’ll delete it in the morning
Edit 2: nevermind, hate me all you want for being your least favourite person on this forum, Im back anyways
You’re in a place where the least favorite people are among our favorites.
Don’t duck the thoughts. They’re how you learn about yourself and process your feelings. It sounds like you may be lonely, and this person who you think about kept you from being lonely for a time. The blurriness suggests to me that you’re becoming open to a new relationship.
Maybe you’re like me when it comes to dealing with past relationships. I continue to care about those individuals. I hope they’re doing well. In a few cases, I’m still in touch. Their images still come to mind when I think about that time of life, or something in the present reminds me of something in the past.
It gets around to being okay though. Eventually the thoughts or imaginings about a person once cared for, ease back into a place in the mind and heart, where they’re no longer so troubling. Loss and emotional scars evolve into empathy and emotional maturity. Even while experiencing the pain of loss, it’s possible to appreciate the good that came out of the relationship. What you learned through the experience of this relationship can help you in the next one, as long as you don’t carry any negativity forward.
I know exactly what you’re going through. It’s hard to forget someone you want to forget so badly. Honestly, it could take a while. What I found helpful when I was going through this was whenever that person came to mind, I immediately just said “no”. Whether it’s out loud or in your mind, saying “no” and visualizing putting a brick wall between you and that thought helps. And if you can’t stop thinking about them or that tactic doesn’t seem to help, try journaling. I know everyone and their mother recommends journaling, but it seriously helps. I would recommend writing about lessons they may have taught you, show gratitude for them being in your life, and then write a goodbye letter to them. It will be hard, but doing stuff like writing a goodbye letter, wishing them well, or even writing to them for a while and updating them on your life and slowly pushing back from “writing them” can help. It can help to loosen ties, if any of that makes sense. You are not alone. I know it’s frustrating. It’s really hard. You are strong and you’re gonna be okay. Hope this helps
Nobody here hates you or would think of it. You can write to your heart’s content and we will be here for you.
It sounds to me like you are very conflicted. Why do you want to push away thoughts that are comforting to you?
You said, you think that you don’t want to have these thoughts, but I guess you are not sure about that? I can assure you that I don’t see anything bad in them that you should be embarrassed or ashamed of. Being drawn towards somebody can be a beautiful feeling that gives you strength and energy. And I am sorry that you won’t see this person again. It can be exciting to get to know new sides of yourself you didn’t know you had. I hope you can find yourself and happiness.
Lemme see if i can do the ole perspective change!
Though you’ve physically moved and X won’t be around, can you connect with them online?
If not, those are memories that you will always have. And there is still so much for you to learn about yourself, and others, and there’s so much more to experience. Your moments with X may be both exciting and confusing, but you can use them to reflect on yourself and what makes you happy, what dreams you have for your future.
We’re all always here for you, and I’m glad you’re posting and sharing with us!
You’re loved and you matter!