Was I the selfish in the friendship

I know making intense post on here and I’m sorry if had trigger anyone. Again I feel it safe here for let out the demons in my mind.

However, I’m been still feel intense anger, sadness and fear of losing my close female friend. I need maybe try understand her point of view. Also, if you can please don’t say things like “ she was using you” it put me in a bad place. But I feel might done some stuff to end the friendship.

  1. I would drive to see her, she an hour away then we go different skate in the area. She pay sometime for gas, we share some snacks and water. She did pay for own meals and she gave some skateboard wheels. It just felt good to hang someone that cool. We go get food, go to some locals, go to different skate parks. My other friend don’t do anything fun, that I drove an hour she actually wanted to do stuff.

  2. However, I would get clingy, telling her I was worry that she would leave me. Cause I made a lot bad mistakes that hurt people, If she found out, she would hate me. But I kept telling her this a couple of times.

  3. She did had a boyfriend, so we never did anything that break that boundary. However, she thinking being in open relationships. That she pansexual and attracted to everyone. My co workers kept telling me to hook up with her, and my family was hoping that she break up with her boyfriend. I would date her if was single, but I did not want destroy a relationship. Everyone putting pressure on me and reminding that I had more just friend feelings. So I told about my feelings she said she need space.

  4. I was clingy message her that I miss her, that so sad without her. She kept saying I’m going through alot right now and I need space.

  5. The thing is she never ask me to pay for stuff. But sometimes I would buy her food, cause I wanted to be a gentleman. However, part me want to use it as guilt trip make her feel bad. Also I kinda was to lose my virginity to her. So I might have been alittle make her like more by buying her stuff.

  6. I also kept telling about my drama a lot, telling her I have self harm and that think about suicide a lot. She kept say “I want to be there for you. But I can only say some much to make you feel better”.

  7. I have jealous issue, I’m jealous of her boyfriend, that she like other people post on instragm and that she in my life anyone.

  8. I can’t let her go, cause I have self love and only want her to part my world. I want her to be my everything and I can’t accept that I can’t have her in my life. I think telling her she reason why I want to commit suicide so she can feel bad for me.

Man I know this a lot, I’m been trying move on, but it been fucking hard and I feel hopeless


When it comes down to it, she was your “BPD Favorite Person.”

We can’t live without our Favorite Person.

She was your friend, she didn’t use you. You made things complicated for her and that’s all it is.


Hey metalskater, it’s okay for you to post here when you need. It’s better than doing something you might regret. I don’t believe she was trying to use you. It sounds like someone who was trying to have a friendship with you.
Friends spend time with each other and spend money on each other, the difference is that they don’t expect something in return.
So let’s address a few things and see how you feel about them from another perspective!

You told her a couple of times that you made some mistakes, and by the sounds of it she still had wanted to be friends with you. We can’t always be judged by who we were in the past. Otherwise we would all be terrible people who don’t deserve friends. But the truth is, everyone at some stage hurts people and makes mistakes. We have to learn to grow from them.

Even if someone is thinking about having an open relationship, doesn’t mean they will have an intimate relationship with everyone. They still have a say in who they want to be in that kind of relationship with, and I don’t think your family were wise to tell you what they did. It sounds like she genuinely cared about your friendship and this new development overstepped her comfortability and boundaries. And she is allowed to have those. Sadly other peoples boundaries don’t always line up with what we want, but we have to respect that.

Using money to try to buy love or sex isn’t okay unless the other person has made that kind of relationship with you. Simply trying to guilt someone into doing something to make you feel good neglects their feelings and hurts them. I’m friendships sometimes I buy my friends things and sometimes they pay for things, but there is never and expectation and never a feeling of having to owe them. They are my closest friends of course, I would never have that scenario with someone I don’t know well.
True caring and love means we want to give because it shows the other person how much they mean to us.

She’s right that she or any of us can only say so much. We don’t have the responsibilities or the resources to make everything better. You’re still seeing a therapist so that is the safest place to keep talking about those issues. We can only support you in the process.

We can’t except people to take on such a huge role in our lives. It’s not fair to want to cut them off from everyone they know and love. To except that they won’t want to interact with others or be interacted with. We can’t sufficiently thrive being closed off into one relationship. It’s not healthy.
Which also falls into if she was in an open relationship and wanted you to be in that with her, the. You’d have to consider that she is also with her current boyfriend.

So all that being said, I do hope that you’re talking to your therapist and working through this. Take care


I am very much impressed with the amount of insight you have into your own feelings. You seem to have accepted those feelings without blaming anyone else for having them.

There was a time when she was not in your life. Although it may not feel like it’s possible, it is necessary that you accept her absence. It’s worth considering the difference between genuine love for someone, and craving their presence, even when knowing they need to follow their own path without you.

Were you selfish in the friendship? Friendships do involve selfishness, as each person benefits from it, and they choose which friends are able to fulfill some kind of need. In other words, the question, “why do I want to be friends with this person?” is actually a very selfish consideration, yet it’s perfectly appropriate. The unselfish part of a friendship is based on willingness to help the other person as much as possible.

Being jealous of the boyfriend is a perfectly normal feeling. The only time it becomes a problem is if you do something regrettable because of those feelings.

Tell me, can your therapist recommend a support group you can join?

Stay in touch! Wings