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Belongs to: Therapist analyzes Su!cIde by Ren
We both started crying at the same time. I too have lost a lot of friends to suicide. In fact all my true friends are dead. But yeah at 18 in my first apartment I had got underneath my best friends place. We were inseparable. Had the same birthday and everything. N my 18th birthday and his 19th I was supposed to get up and go to the local city with him and I overlaid. Something happened in that time to make him go and lay on the train tracks. It was the worst death I have ever dealt with. I miss him so much and with everything else I had already been forced to face at a very young age, I now had to live below the empty apartment that used to be his and try to make sense of it all. I blamed myself for years, decades even. I totally understand ren and I feel for your loss also.
Hey there, I’m so sorry for the weight of that incredible loss in your life. Losing someone so close and dear to you is one of, if not THE hardest things anyone can ever go through. I can’t imagine the pain and grief you must feel to this day. You are such a strong and resilient person for choosing to still be here and to get up everyday. With everything you’ve had to face, your perseverance is not something to take for granted. I’m so proud of you. You’re doing a lot better than you might think.
While I’ve never dealt with losing someone I love to suicide, I know how devastating it feels to deal with pain everyday that you never expected to face. When life throws things at you that are out of your control, sometimes it can feel like we did something to deserve it, like we’re not good enough or we could have been better and changed what happened. Those spiraling thoughts can come quickly and can be so scary, and I’m with you here today my friend if you find yourself in that place. You are so loved and deeply appreciated, and the tragedy in your past cannot destroy the joy and love you felt through your friend.
I’m so sorry that this weight of grief is hanging heavy on your life. I wish I could take that pain away, but none of us can simply wink it out of existence. However, that does not mean that you cannot learn a new way to hope and have joy even with this pain. I believe that your perseverance to still be here proves that you are worthy of life and peace, and the love you shared with your friend will never fade away. So when the pain of those memories feels too real to bear, I want to remind you that you are so loved, you are enough just as you are, and you are special to this world just like your friend was. Thank you for being here.
Your friend must have been such an amazing person to have someone like you as his friend. You are a very caring and devoted friend. I don’t know how long ago this happened, but it sounds like you’ve been walking around with the shadow of your lost friend for many years, and then to go home every day to the extreme emptiness of the apartment below you. The only way I can relate to that emptiness is after I got divorced, and that first weekend without the sounds and presence of my family. It felt like the sound of death, and silence became a really bad thing for me after that.
I have lost a friend to a violent-type suicide many years ago, but I can’t imagine the horrific way your friend chose to make his statement. I can see how this was the worse death you’ve had to face. And you are so strong to have made it all this way with that trauma traveling along with you. I want you to always remember that this was a choice your friend made. If you had gotten up that day, it would have likely just postponed what he had already planned to do. Nothing you could have done that day would likely change things, because it doesn’t sound like you knew what he was going through in his head. Maybe he purposely kept those things from you because he loved you and didn’t want you to feel his burden.
Keep his memory alive, my friend. Cherish the special friendship, however short and unexpectedly-ended it may have been. May you continue to be strong in your own life, and find your comfort in the lyrics that bring us all together.
