hello all, i just wanted to say thanks for all the support during my sh stuff, i threw out both of my blades for good and i havent had self harm urges since, ive been trying meditation and its been going well!
anyways, i want to talk about my family issues. my dads abusive towards my mom, and for a while i tried to ignore this and his history because i think it was easier for me to have one bad parent rather than two, but thats not the case. my dad has been abusive to my mom since before i was born, and during my newborn years, basically my entire life. he’s broken her nose, strangled her, shoved her into walls, etc. hes ended up in jail before because of the bruising shes had, its domestic violence.
hes not a good person at all, i want to make that very clear. hes never really been there for me when my mom was drunk, he would just sort of torment her in his own ways without offering support to me, i just sort of took what i could get. hes racist, and before i came out to him he would say the f slur, he hasnt said a word about womens rights since roe v wade, he isnt good. he used to beat up his family members, and they still have trauma from it.
my dad likes control, he likes people listening to him and he likes being the best in the room. i cant stand it, so me and my mom are moving! he doesnt know about this move however, and its gonna be complicated. he ignores all of the problems i have, my psychiatrist agrees that im likely autistic, but my dad ignores this. my psychiatrist thinks i might have a sleeping disorder, my dad “disagrees” he ignores my anxiety and depression even though im literally on medication for it. he wants this perfect child and he ignores that i am not that.
so thats why we’re moving, because hes terrible and I need accommodations at school that public school cannot offer me. my parents havent spoken in 6 weeks because my dad basically told my mom her childhood rape was consensual and said 'at least he didnt choose to __ with his family member" and its disgusting because she was a child and it was rape. thats one thing i cant forget ever, its absolutely vile to say something like that to someone.
its gonna be a difficult move, we’re gonna be camping during the drive up because we dont want to pay for hotel stays, we dont have a place to rent or buy so we’re gonna try to find a long term motel or a family friend who has a trailer for rent, but we’re gonna do it because we need to. my house is filthy and my dad doesnt care, my mom is disabled and im becoming physically ill because of genetics, my mom and i cant afford to keep up with house care, and he is more abled that both of us combined and he refuses to do anything. hes pathetic, basically.
my mom and i deserve a better life away from him, so thats what we’re doing, and honestly? i am so excited about it. really, its gonna be amazing. i cant go to a regular school, which he expects, i cant be a normal child, which he expects, he makes fun of every single one of my autistic traits, including my interests, hes just mean. so we’re gonna move, in 5 days, without him knowing. im a bit worried about the whole thing because i know its gonna upset him but i just have to remember hes a terrible person who wants me to have a terrible life just so hes happy. its gonna be a lot, but im prepared for it! me and my mom are just calling it an adventure, being optimistic about it all! ill update how it goes, but it should be good.
