No actual/strict advice needed thank you-
Deciphering feelings has been a rollercoaster.
I’ve been learning how angry and confused I get in relationships. My now fiancé had to return home (nearly 30 hrs of flying time) and my soul gets crushed every time we say goodbye.
When relationships are new my tendency is to eventually want to be mean and push people away so they can’t hurt me first.
In this situation my tendency is to feel rejected and deeply saddened because my brain doesn’t register that someone going home doesn’t equal someone abandoning me.
I officially quit smoking nearly a month ago and I crave a fucking cigarette all the time. Since I’m not going back there I want to drink. But I’m not going back there either, so now my stress and confusion comes out as annoyance.
And guess who gets in the firing line? My poor, sweet, loving fiancé.
He literally mocks the fact that I have said more times than I can count “don’t touch me!”
He’s a literal angel.
Vent achieved.
Now respectfully, DONT TOUCH ME. 
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Hey there, @ManekiNeko 
I’d like to begin by saying it takes so much courage and self-awareness to reflect on your emotions, and notice patterns in your behaviour, especially where relationships are concerned. It sounds like you’ve been on a journey of self-discovery, navigating through a complex maze of feelings and reactions. The rollercoaster of deciphering emotions can indeed feel overwhelming at times. It’s commendable that you’re acknowledging the anger and confusion you experience in relationships. Understanding these emotions is the first step towards managing them effectively.
Separation pain can be excruciating, especially when someone you love deeply has to leave. Saying goodbye to your fiancé, knowing they’re going to be far away for an extended period, must feel like a heavy weight on your heart. It’s understandable that your soul feels crushed every time you bid farewell. Also, I’m sure we’ve all pushed people away at some time or other, it’s a common defence mechanism. Sometimes, when we’ve been hurt in the past, our instinct is to shield ourselves from further pain by preemptively creating distance. However, recognizing this pattern is a significant breakthrough in your journey towards healthier relationships. Rejection and sadness when your fiancé has to leave are all normal emotion to experience. It’s important to remind yourself that his departure isn’t a form of abandonment. Reassure yourself that despite the physical distance, the bond you share remains strong and unwavering.
It’s great that you managed to give up smoking. That’s a monumental achievement in itself. When stress and confusion strike it’s natural to want to start smoking again. Remember that you’re not alone in this journey, and there are support systems and coping mechanisms available to help you stay on track. Turning to alcohol as a substitute for cigarettes is a common temptation, but you’re absolutely right to resist that urge. You’ve already come so far in your journey towards a healthier lifestyle, and giving in to the temptation of alcohol would only undermine your progress. Instead, focus on finding alternative ways to manage your stress and confusion, whether it’s through exercise, meditation, or engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Venting your frustrations in a safe space is essential for maintaining emotional well-being. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings in this moment of vulnerability. Remember that it’s okay to ask for space when you need it, but also recognize the importance of reconnecting and nurturing your bond with your fiancé.
Hopefully this is helpful!
Hello ManekiNeko!
You are doing your best, and growing. You are perfectly valid in your feelings, and doing a good job of recognizing them! No strict advice coming from here. Just hope you have a wonderful weekend! <3
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Congrats on all the hard work you’ve been doing on yourself, Neko!
I just wanted to send you my love and thoughts and to let you know you have been heard x
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