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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Mansion by NF
What if all the doors in your mansion are all open? You dont fear anything or are scared of anything, but you just go thru it all everyday. Only thing that’s locked is the front door
If all the doors in your mansion are open, it’s like nothing inside is hidden anymore, right? Every memory, every regret, every hurt - all just out in the open, with no secrets, nothing locked away. You go through each room day in and day out, facing everything that’s there without fear. It’s heavy though and might be more consuming that it seems sometimes. Most like being forced to carry the weight of all that every single day, just because it’s always right in front of you.
But then as you’ve mentioned there’s the front door, locked tight, keeping it all inside and away from others’ sight. It’s the only thing separating you from letting anyone else in to see what’s happening in there, and it feels like you’re the only one with the key.
Maybe it’s protection or a way to stay safe, and it makes sense to proceed that way. Somehow, letting people in, there’s a risk of having to deal with a sense of intrusion, interference, potential chaos in the midst of a place that you try to fully control and organize by yourself. Letting someone else in might mean sharing what feels too personal or too raw. It’s like you’re both the caretaker and the prisoner of this place, stuck because you know the layout so well, but also because it feels impossible to leave. But it’s also isolating in the long run. It traps you in this mansion you can’t walk away from.
My friend, there is a lot of strength in your own vulnerability to be discovered. And you are practicing it here by sharing how your own mansion is. In recognizing what each “room” holds, even if it’s hard. It might take time, but finding moments to share a glimpse of what’s inside, or even letting a little light in, can be a first step. I wholeheartedly feel that your heart leans towards the possibility to open that door, even if it has yet to find a way. It’s okay to take all the time you need for this. To look for the time and/or the person that would make opening the door feel right.
You have been carrying so much for so long on your own shoulders - you absolutely deserve to have someone by your side shouldering some of these things with you.
Thank you for allowing us to see your mansion here - whether it’s about how it works generally or what it contains, it still means a lot. 
Hold Fast.
-Marie-Anne