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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Hate Myself by NF
What if the thing keeping you alive isn’t that .01% hope? What if it’s the, not wanting to hurt the couple of people in your life who cares because you know first hand what that pain is like and you’d rather suffer than the ones you love. How do you keep navigating that internal battle on a long term basis?
I wish I could give the answers. I honestly am in the same boat but you just keep showing up. I know the hurt is unbearable at times but just hang on to the light will come and that the dark days don’t last forever. You’re loves and valid my friend and the world is much better with you in it
You have to remember they’re fighting too. Everyone is fighting. Life is hard. Life is pain. But there’s is much beauty and comfort and hope to be found in the love of other people - in the love of community. You never know when you could be a moment away from making a connection that changes your life - or the life of another person. We all carry the light of hope and love with us - and at any time we can choose to spread that light. Choose to spread it. Set this world on fire. Even if every moment is full of pain, share you pain with others and hold each other up. This life is all we have. Take hold of this transient existence and transform every moment in the name of healing.
Oh man do I feel this. There have so many times in my life where I have wished the people I cared about loved me less. It’s like if they didn’t care so much about you then you could just die and not feel guilty for the pain you would be putting them through. It’s like the thing that’s keeping you alive isn’t even YOURS and it feels so excruciating. The internal battle is exhausting and something that has helped me is accepting “okay I have to live because I care so much about my loved ones so if that’s the case how can I figure out how to live and not hate every second.” It doesn’t necessarily solve the internal pain and I think the only long term solution is unfortunately not only understanding the root of the pain but taking every step necessary to heal that pain (and sometimes that takes a variety of different things) the truth is the part that wants you to live might not always be
yours BUT I imagine if the part that wants to live for others wasn’t there there might be a piece of YOU that arises (even if it’s tiny) that is even curious about what life might look like in the future and that it COULD be better. I’m grateful your friends are keeping you alive right now and I hope you’ll start to find your own excitement for life soon too. I love you thank you for sharing