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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Mansion by NF
What if there is room that is so bad you can’t remember what’s in there?
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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Mansion by NF
What if there is room that is so bad you can’t remember what’s in there?
That is definitely a good question, friend. Not all rooms are known, or at least we might not always remember what’s in it. We might know a lot of the rooms in our mind yet also live next to some that have been closed for a very long time. Sometimes, we face events in life that force us to lock the door so we can keep on surviving and coping just as we can, until one day we might feel ready to open it again. Locking it in the first place was a normal and valid reaction, and somehow a way to keep us safe too.
Personally, I have lived next to rooms in this “Mansion” of mine, that contain years of childhood trauma. Until I was 19-ish old, I didn’t not remember what as in there. Truth be told, I didn’t even remember that the room was there. Then for some reason, I remembered a specific memory, which felt a bit like the ground under me was collapsing suddenly. I doubted at first, heavily, that my memory was true, and my sister helped me by confirming that it was actually right. We had been abused by our mother as children, for years, and I kept that locked away from me for a decade. It was so confusing that the door got opened again, painful too in many ways. But at the same time, it has marked the beignning of my own rebirth in this life. Of a long and slow journey towards healing and finding myself again. I retrieved more memories over time, but still don’t remember everything. Most of my years before 6 years old are completely blurred. But I know I keep on carrying the primal fear I have first felt at 1 yr old.
This is of course just a personal perspective, but connecting back to your question, I think you will know and feel it intuitively when the time will be right for you to look at this room again. Somehow, when we have experienced trauma, our mind and body do their best to protect us, and sometimes that goes along with traumatic amnesia. It censors a part of of our own story to help us keep on living, for the pain was too intense and too much to deal with at the time. Little by little, our life changes and might know better environment, places and seasons in life where we would feel safer and more at peace, which sets the foundations to open the room again.
Whether or not you remember what’s inside of it, you know it’s existence, and you certainly feel already how it affects you/how it has been impacting you in your life. You dont necessarily need to know what’s inside to see the need that exists to nurture a compassionate and kind outlook for yourself. To learn to become the safe ally and friend you’ve always needed, one day after another. Maybe one day the door will be opened again, or maybe not. In either way, you are worthy of love, you deserve peace and healing, and that is still a journey you can walk on, here and now.
Hold fast, my friend.
-Marie-Anne, Heartsupport staff