I have been struggling with myself for the longest time. I recently broke up with my ex-girlfriend who was my best-friend. I have been taking my anger out on people who don’t deserve it. I blame myself for the break up I blame myself for not being “good enough” and “impatient” I wake up and feel very much alone to the point nothing really seems exciting or have any urge to do anything but work my 3 jobs to distract myself from my thoughts and overwhelming feelings. Marijuana plays a large factor in what I do to “feel good” when I’m alone. I don’t want to be surrounded by people and still feel this way. Looking for some light or at least a better outlook than how I am with the current in my present life.
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Hi, Drew.
I’m sorry to hear about your break up. That’s really hard all on it’s own. I recently went through a divorce. So I can understand the emotional weight that comes following afterwards. There is a lot that I blame myself for in my relationship too. Though I know it’s not all my fault, I still carry a lot of guilt for not knowing how to better handle things a lot sooner. But, through our mistakes and experiences we become stronger people. We learn from our relationships past and present. We learn better what we need from our relationships but also where we need to improve.
Patience is something I have really had to learn to work on. Attitude is a huge part in learning patience. And learning how to have a better attitude and outlook on things is a battle all on it’s own. Sometimes it also requires having a little guidance. Whether from friends, places like this or a therapist. I definitely wouldn’t be where I am today without some of my close friends and life coaches. I am fortunate enough to have friends who have put up with me at my very worst and help me gain a better perspective and way of thinking that in the end has helped me better with my attitude and patience. Though I still struggle with it it’s been better. With effort and commitment you too can learn to gain better patience.
You are good enough. You shouldn’t tell yourself otherwise. Even if you have made mistakes in your life, even if you are flawed, which we all are, you are good enough. And you deserve to love yourself, value yourself and forgive yourself.
I hope for you that you are able to find peace and healing in how you are feeling and what you are going through. That you find strength to improve where you may struggle as a person and that you find healthy friends who will uplift you and support you along the way.
You are not alone. A lot of people here are hurting and going through so much of what you are. Here you will find love and support. Unconditional. In the best way we can we will try to be a friend and walk along side of you.
All you have to do is be willing to make that effort to get better. Be willing to take the steps needed to move forward and heal. And you can find happiness and fulfillment.
So much love to you, Drew. Hold fast.
- Kitty
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Sup Drew,
I know where your are coming from since I’ve been in the same “boat” your are in atm. My difference was I went to drinking first to “feel good” when I was alone and it got to a point where I would drink to a point were I couldn’t function and make myself sick just to forget “her” for a short amount of time. All the while distancing myself from everyone who cared about me, This eventually led to a suicidal mind-set and soon after that low hit me I stopped drinking… but only to pick up smoking marijuana heavily (24/7) simply to get through each day and have some sense of joy then having to fight to quit that as well.
My best advice is to work to replace the love you lost with something else. Not another “girlfriend”, but something that will better you and strengthen you. Become the person you want to be. Take your anger out on some iron at the gym. Find a hobby or anything you enjoy and work on letting it fill in the time when you are totally alone. My love for music, playing guitar, and my newfound faith is pulling me out of my hole. So what will pull you out of yours?
I was never good at giving advice but still I hope you see some light in this Drew… and keep in mind that it takes time to heal. Learn to be patient… I know i need too. Most things don’t grow overnight… keep working on yourself, fight through it and at the end you will look back on this in joy because it will take you some where you never thought you would get to otherwise.
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Might sound a little silly, but take up SCUBA diving. Great way to make friends while learning and also while going out on dives. It’s expensive, but very very worth it.
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Silly is better than depressing. Haha. I’ve always wanted to learn, although it may affect my hearing possibly(I don’t have the greatest). But yeah, I should find a new hobby of some sort and diving into the deep blue would definitely make a new impact on me.
Definitely do some research on your hearing prior to getting the course done, but mate. It’s honestly, my absolute favorite thing on this planet to do. Exploring the deep blue. <3
Thanks Tyler it’s sad to know that someone had to feel the same pain I’m feeling but it’s a major blessing that someone is able to relate to how I feel. I will be changing a lot I started but am slowly progressing. I will be eliminating some bad habits too along the way Justin going to take each day by day and one battle at a time. Thank you for sharing your experience.
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I hope it helps… i’m glad that you posted this, because like you said it helps to see others sharing the same pain. You’ve actually helped me more than you know and I really appreciate it.
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