I want this bipolar gone. I’m too fucked up…I can’t pull it together. I can’t focus. The depression is hitting too hard. I haven’t felt this bad in a long time. If I wasn’t a stupid stripper, I’d cut…but I don’t need the questions of what happened when I work. I feel too unfocused…too unreliable…too indecisive to try and go after my dreams. I’m tired of burdening my friends. They’re tired of me anyways. I can’t be who I am…besides my personality is always changing so I can’t always say who I am anyways. I don’t see anything good in me right now. I’m a giant mess…frantic…stuck…hopeless …failing again and again
Thanks for sharing and I’m sorry you’re going through all this. I know when my depression is spiked I can’t think either, it’s like being present but not really. I think the important thing to remember is your more then the bipolar and depression, and don’t believe the lies they tell. You have tremendous value to the world and things like depression want to make us all believe we don’t have value. It’s awesome you have dreams you want to chase. Is there anyone you trust to help you work through how to get on a path to the dreams? Is there anything you find like hobbies or exercise to feel better mentally? I know for me I have to find a way to channel it.
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Hey @Rosethorn ,
I remember your recent posts here. You’re in a whirlwind for now and I’m sorry it’s so intense for you. As difficult as it is, it’s also by being lost that you’ll slightly learn to know yourself, to discover who you are in a deeper way. You are not stupid, my friend, and whatever reasons you put behind, I thank you for not hurting yourself, in any ways. You need sweetness now and we love you here. 
There are many things to handle at the same time with bipolarity and depression. I have already mentioned it to you before, but my mother is bipolar. So I can only talk about it as close to someone who lives this. In my family, I’m the only one who can contain her when she needs it because she trusts me enough for that, whether it’s emotionally or physically. I comforted her numerous times, as I helped her in daily gestures and spent so many nights looking for her without even knowing where she was. She always struggled with taking her medicine. But even though our relationship can be difficult because she express a lot of violence towards me, I still love her. Unconditional love goes beyond any difficulty. And the fact that this difficulty is called “bipolarity” or “depression” doesn’t change anything.
You are not a burden. You are who you are! And you are beautiful as you are. Time will help you to learn how to handle mood changes, lack of concentration and energy. Remain to simple things in your daily life. Babysteps. When you feel better, try to write some reminders to yourself that you’d like to be able to read when you feel down. You have so much strengths in yourself and you will get there. Your beloved ones, hopefully, will help you and support you the way they can, also with their own boundaries. It’s not your fault and there’s nothing wrong with you. You keep growing the way you can.
You know what? It may sound a bit stupid… but when I read your message, I thought of a Japanese art named “Kintsugi”.
Isn’t it wonderful?
It is a discipline that consists on repairing broken objects with gold powder. Using gold makes it possible to highlight the imperfections of broken objects and to make them unique, by their new appearance and by their own story. You are beautiful as you are today! With your strengths and your cracks. Your qualities and your imperfections.
You are in the process of learning how to handle all of this. It will take some time. Be patient with yourself. Things are going to be okay. And never forget that this community is here for you.
You’re loved unconditionally.
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And that’s scary about your mom being violent …I have dad who’s bipolar and violent and an ex too. I’m scared to lose control like that and hurt someone 
right now I’m so emotionally exhausted I just want to sleep and shut everything out .
Hey @Rosethorn,
I didn’t mean to scare you at all. 
You too know what I’m talking about and the reality of it. But what you saw from others doesn’t mean you’ll do the same. There’s absolutely no doubt you want to do what’s right for everyone and it’s a wonderful strength that you have! It will be a balance to build over time, but things will be okay.
And you know, for my mom, she had difficulties with getting help because she was diagnosed later in her life and, as I said, she always struggled with medicine. But it was not only because of bipolarity. It was also because of who she is, her personality, but also mine and the relationship we always had. It makes a huge difference. I helped her over time to learn that everyone around her has their own boundaries and she needed to respect that.
So having people you trust around you is really important. It’s based on reciprocity and mutual respect, so when you feel overwhelmed by your emotions or anything else, these persons are here to remind you what’s important and true, in a safe way. And don’t forget that: you are not your bipolarity or depression. Yes it may be part of who you are, it influences your daily life. But it’s not defining you in your core. You’re a unique person on this earth. And it’s not because of any mental health issue. Only because you are you. 
But right now there’s no need to think about all of this and start to worry about it. Try to take some rest.
But don’t forget this community is also here for you.
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Thank you This really helps a lot. I’m starting to learn about boundaries and trying to be okay with setting some myself. I set up a therapy appointment last Friday and that helped. I’m just finding balance right now…I’m either always on the go or not doing anything. I wish I could just be steady.
Sometimes it’s nice to be around people that think like me… but as I said…I had a bipolar ex so us finding boundaries and consistency was not happening…and he was more violent.
I’m taking it slow today. It gets really easy to feel pressured to accomplish a lot
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