My mum, me, and my sister all got COVID-19 recently. Me and my sister stayed in our bedroom isolated from our dad for about a week. Our mum was isolated from both us and our dad. We did not go to school during this period. Then, after my sister and I tested negative, we went back to school. We are in secondary school. Our school actually goes from Kindergarten to twelfth grade. We have friends in a lot of different grades. Anyway, we returned to school, and our friend who I will call Red told us, in an upset voice, that there had been something like a security breech or a dangerous situation and that another student caused it. Then, I entered my first period class, feeling worried. The teacher had all of us get on our computers. As usual when I am on my computer, I checked my email. My email is through the school. Anyway, an email popped up on my email, from the school administrators. It said that a student had made threats to other students and had been arrested and the school’s security had been made heavier than before after the incident so there’s will be more police officers walking around in the school to protect the students. I was wondering which other secondary schooler had made threats but I could never be prepared for what came next. When I entered the next class period, some students had a smartphone out. On that smartphone was a picture of one of my friends. I will call him Thomas. He is a twelfth grader. He is in a lot of special classes with me and my sister because we all have autism. We have made a movie and a pretend podcast with him. We played super smash bros with him at his birthday party last year. His mum who I will call Celeste, is really cool. She gives us teas from different countries. She gave my sister a Vuvuzela, which is an instrument from Tanzania, the country Celeste is from. Thomas is one of the few friends from secondary school that we have ever been to the house of and know the mum of that well, the only others being Red and another friend I met even longer ago, who I will call Butterfly. Butterfly is older than me and we like to pretend she is my mum when we play pretend. Earlier this year, she became Thomas’s girlfriend. Butterfly is the friend I trust the most. She supported me and my sister through the beginning of secondary school and the transition away from elementary school. She helped us through the losses of our grandmother and another friend too. Anyway, these older boys with Thomas’s picture up on their screen were laughing and saying free our boy from prison! I asked them if Thomas had been arrested and they said he had and then lied to me that he would be in prison for twenty five years. My sister and I began to cry violently. The older boys pretended to cry with us and pretended to comfort us, but they were mocking us. I asked some of my friends if I should still love Thomas since he made threats to other students but they said he made a really bad mistake and it was my choice whether to still be his friend. I could not tell from their voices what choice they had made or what their emotions were. I can’t read tone of voice and expression very well because of my autism. The older boys continued to be irreverent insensitive and rude to Thomas and to my sister and I, so I asked the teacher if I could go to the counsellor, and she said yes, whilst simultaneously my sister was busting out of the classroom and running down the hall and up the stairs to sit on the stairs and cry weeping and sobbing violently. The counselor saved my sister from the staircase and we both sat in the counselor’s office while she asked us questions and assured us we were safe.I wanted to know who Thomas had threatened and what he said but the counselor was not allowed to give those details. My sister and I told the counselor of the rude boys and she got them in trouble. My sister and I were too distraught to return to the classroom, but the counselor had a meeting with someone so I and my sister had to stay in the nurse’s office. We tried to distract ourselves from our confusing emotions by playing with the cold water machine, but distraught thoughts still crept in. We went to our next classes and lunch after that, and everyone was talking about Thomas everywhere. It was distressing. Butterfly was absent that day and the next day. It was Thursday. At lunch on Friday, my sister and I sat near Butterfly’s older cousin and a friend of hers. We over heard them talking. We asked Butterfly’s cousin where Butterfly was and she said that Butterfly was staying home to avoid people talking to her about Thomas. I was relieved that Butterfly was not sick and that she already knew about the stuff involving Thomas. Anyway, we over heard the two girls’ conversation. Apparently, Thomas had sent out a list of students, all secondary schoolers of the higher grades, that he threatened to kill. Apparently weopans had been found in his room but he could not be charged with possession because they were not in the bag he was taking to school. I wonder if Butterfly knows these details or not. Butterfly returned last week and said she still loves Thomas. Since she is my best friend, I would feel relieved to just agree with her perspective but I don’t know if she knows about the list and the weapons but I can’t ask her if she knows because it makes her uncomfortable to be asked about the situation with Thomas.
Hey @Pengyou,
Thank you so much for reaching out <3
I’m so incredibly sorry you all had to go through that, and I can definitely care that you care about Thomas and Butterfly.
It sounds like the counselor was helpful. Talking to a therapist or trusted adult about what happened can help you process your feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Remember to take care of yourself too though. Try and do things that help you relax and feel better, like listening to music, drawing, or spending time with supportive friends or family (excluding Butterfly for now, as she might be going through her own things).
It sounds like Butterfly is your closest friend, but it’s important to respect her boundaries if she’s uncomfortable talking about Thomas. You can still show you care without pressuring her. Maybe write her a note or give her a small gift to let her know you’re thinking of her.
What happened is scary and upsetting. Allow yourself to feel your emotions, but don’t let them control you. There are good people in your life, like your sister, the counselor, and other supportive friends. Focus on those relationships. This is a difficult situation, but with time and support, you’ll get through it.
You got this! We’re always here for support if you need it too.
Hi there,
I’m sorry that you had to experience that, and it is understandable if you are feeling upset and confused right now. Your feelings are completely valid, and its important to remember to take care of yourself and your sister during this time.
I believe that seeing the counselor helped you a bit, but like what @djstarion said, talking to a therapist or trusted adult could also be an efficient way to further process what happened, and allow you to work through more emotions in healthy ways.
With Butterfly, I would take things slower and more cautiously just to test the waters regarding her and Thomas, without overstepping/making her uncomfortable. I can tell that you care about her a lot, and it is okay to feel conflicted regarding relationships during this time.
I believe in you, and this too shall pass. Allow yourself time to feel, think, and process!
I can imagine that this is a very difficult situation for you especially being that Thomas is a friend of yours, the truth is that sometimes people that we care dearly about can do some unexplainable things that makes us questions our feelings towards them. Nevertheless. caring for a person that has done something gnarly does not make you a horrible person, it means that you are kindhearted and care about the well-being of others.
Learning about what Thomas did must have been a shock for you, your sister and so many other children at school. Your reactions make completely sense and the questions you ask are also very valid.
When you love and trust someone who ends up doing something wrong, it forces you to ask yourself what you think and how you feel about it, maybe even if you want to keep being friend with them or not. Ultimately, every student and friend of Thomas is going to make their own decision, and you as well.
I know it’s confusing, and somehow distressing, when you don’t have a clear guidance as to whether or not the way you feel is right. In complex situations like this, there is unfortunately no right or wrong answer. I can guarantee you that there is no wrong way to feel about it either. There is the way you feel and that is what needs to be considered and cared for.
You are going to see a variety of reactions around you, and somehow it could help to compare these with what you feel personally, so you can figure out, at your own pace, the kind of conclusions that you want to have regarding what happened. It’s okay to take your time, it’s okay for your friends to take their time too.
If it can help, don’t hesitate to reach out to a counselor or a trusted adult to talk about what happened, the way it makes you feel and the questions it creates in you. Having a space shared with someone you trust to talk about what happened can be a big relief and help you find clarity over time. Sometimes the more we verbalize things, the more it makes sense to us. Like placing the pieces of a puzzle together.
Of course, you are absolutely welcome to keep sharing here as well and we will try our best to support you. You are not alone, friend, and I’m sorry that you’ve been all dealing with this at school. Thank you so much for sharing.