This is a topic from YOUTUBE. Reply as normal, and we will post it to the user on YouTube.
Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Schism by Tool
What then do you do if that person you are in conflict with is yourself?
2 Likes
I can relate to this wholly. This is the person I have been in conflict with through almost all of my struggles. Myself. It is the person I am still in conflict with. So I guess the best I can do is share my experience with how I began to deal with deep internal conflict. I’m not sure if it will be relevant to you, or help at all, but I do believe that you can find some peace in your conflict with yourself in time. Once you find what works for YOU. I’ve always been kind to other people, and done my best to outwardly present myself in a good way. Internally, and towards myself was a completely different story. It took me a lot of hard work to begin to recognize that I could accept myself, but I think that it began with acceptance for me. I quit fighting my Mental Health, and thinking I needed to find a cure/solution. Instead beginning to work with my Mental Health, not against it. I don’t know why that change in thinking was so big for me, but it was. Instead of all the negative self talk about how messed up I was, I began to say “okay, this is who I am, It is okay that I am this way, what can I do to work with what I have, instead of against who I am”. I’m not sure that this is something that will help shift anyone else’s perspective in any way, as we are all different, but I want you to know that it is okay to be the person you are. You are enough.
Even before the acceptance, another step I had to take was learning to let it all out. Being willing to share the conflict within myself, and the negative/intrusive thoughts and emotions. Instead of bottling them up was probably the earliest and most important step before learning to be understanding/accepting of myself. I was forced to do this in an inpatient setting, or I was not going to be allowed to leave, or move forward. I now share willingly with the hope to help others do the same. The reason the sharing of the conflict to me was so important, was because a lot of my recovery came from support. Not just refusing to acknowledge to myself (In the end it is self-love, self-care, self-acceptance, facing your shadow, and all that stuff that begins to bring the change in the inward conflict), but also to another human being that I was that person, and having that conflict. Which is why the acceptance was important. So that I could be open and honest with myself, and others about who I was/what I was going through. Instead of thinking I needed to change/be someone else, and hide who I was.
The sharing/acceptance brought me to a space where I was able to actually face myself, and share with mental health professionals/peers who I was, and what I was going through. After all of this and 10 years later, I can say that I am making a lot of strides in this conflict, though it is still there. I have professionals, peers, authors of books, and some jarring life events that helped me make the shift to thank for it, but I would not have been able to access these shifts if I had not first learned to share/accept who I was in the first place. Again, I’m not sure if any of this will help you in any way, as it is just my experience with recovery so far, and I’m not a professional by any means. I hope that you can find some answers to your own conflict in time, and please feel free to share more with us about what you are going through if you ever want/need. <3
1 Like
Hello friend,
Thank you for sharing. Your question is very relatable, as sometimes, for a lot of people, including myself, we can be our own worst enemy. I find that there are days where I am just so cruel to myself about all the different areas of my life, my personality, my body, you name it. I found for me that I had to start actively pushing back. I began the process of question my negative thoughts to objectively determine if there was any proof to them. Am I really the most terrible human in the world…or did I have a bad day and make a mistake? I found that through this process I was able to slowly develop more self-love and self-compassion.
Granted, this is an up and down process. I have good days and I have bad days. But working through any conflict takes time, and it is a process. Working out the conflict with yourself is no different. Each part of you has thoughts and ideas that they want to hold as your truth, and it is like a mental war daily to try your best to let the nicer, brighter side win those battles. A person is made up of many different aspects, and often times, these different sides do clash. It is a normal experience, and it took me a while to realize this because it is not addressed or discussed often.
Resolving conflict within yourself takes time, patience, self-compassion, and it is not a linear process. However, so long as we put in the work, and try our best daily, it can be done, and eventually, you’ll find that there is less self-conflict that needs resolving.
1 Like