Hey friend,
I’m terribly sorry to hear about this situation you’re dealing with. Being a father is one of the paramount things that gives men meaning in life and that’s being challenged for you right now.
My heart and love goes out to you.
But hear me out…
Growing up I had several friends with divorced parents, some of them were at odds with one other. Others were amicable with one another. I’ve studied psychology and I am now seeing personal friends deal with this kind of thing and I have some take aways that I wish gives you a bit of hope…
The most important factor in this dilema is the child that you and her had together.
In a crude way of thinking about this is that this is a “war.” The “war goals” is to see your son. to be a father for him. This moment in time is a “battle.” There will almost certainly be more “battles,” however “battles” don’t win “wars.” In the grand strategy of wargaming, it’s important to asses what battles you can offord to loss and even asses how that lose may afford you an opportunity later on.
Too often people in these situations have “wargoals” related to defeating and inflicting pain on the other person. While you may be succesful in doing so, the true causilty is the child. Things like this that get ugly can actually impact how a child develops and expresses their attachment types, learning types, and social behavior in often detrimental ways when they’re a teenager and even more so in their early 20s, and it continues through life until they can work through it with a therapist or through whatever journey they are on.
It’s obviously important to have any legal, social, medial individuals you need to or are working with about your intended goal and what the best path to take is (they’re your military advisors in this example).
Make your goals with regard to your son as clear and understandable as possible. Then act on them.
for example, one thing that could be acted on is conspicous acts of kindness. Such as sending your son letters of the things you would be doing with him, what you would be teaching him, what you would be showing him. Send your ex correspondence about the love you want to send to your son. Ask for updates, what he’s learning, and so on. Almost like how soliders in WWII would send letters back home to loved ones.
If she doesn’t let up eventually, that gives you information you can use to take your next step. If she does let up and become more amicable, that’s information that could lead to your next step.
I digress…
I genuinly hope this helps you see this in a different light. I wish you luck and and success on your endeavours that lay ahead.
Stay strong my friend. Hold fast.
