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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Dying Song by Slipknot
What you said at 5:40 and 8:00 is exactly how I feel with my current therapist. When I tell her about my trauma and how it makes me feel, she always throwing solutions like “do yoga, go walking, etc.” and doesn’t actually listen to what I’m going through. Sometimes I just need someone to validate what I’m feeling and what I’ve went through, but they just gloss over it and go straight to “you should do this…” I always feel so embarrassed afterward my sessions because it makes me think that she’s uncomfortable.
I’m sorry that you’ve been such a disappointing/somewhat unhelpful experience with your therapist. The fact that you are expecting from them something different is totally valid and understandable. We absolutely need to feel heard and recognized in our pain in order to work on our own healing - that external validation is so fundamental. It’s unfortunate when someone only responds with providing advice, especially when on top of it it feels generic and not really thought for your specific situation. On your end, you are doing something brave and courageous by sharing about the painful experiences/events you’ve been through. If anything, your vulnerability is seen and valued here. You are doing the right thing by seeking support, by opening up and trying to process your pain.
I’ve personally had my share of traumas, and something that the “healing journey” has taught me a lot is that not everyone is going to be the right listener, or the right supporter. Some people are good at providing a type of support, and it will often vary from one individual to another. It’s a bit of an ungrateful journey to find the right one, or to negotiate sometimes with people. To explain how their responses make us feel, what is the help we’re in need of, and what isn’t helping at all. A good therapist especially will hear your concerns and feelings about what happens during your therapy sessoins, and will look forward to adjusting/adapting their behavior and responses to you. If they don’t, it may be a sign to consider looking for a new/different one. One thing is sure: there is no embarassement to feel and how comfortable or not your therapist is should not be yours to worry about. It’s healthy to talk about it with them, to clarify and open your communicatoin together. In therapy, oftentimes you’ll be meant to discuss as much about the therapy/therapeutic process as about your personal struggles.
If anything, the fact that you are aware of this dynamic is huge in itself. You recognize something that isn’t serving you as it should, which can lead you to opening new doors or approaching things differently. Somehow, even when we identify something that is not helping us, it also teaches us more about our personal needs and the kind of support we are looking for. It tells you more about yourself, your heart, and the type of presence you need to have by your side - which isn’t always easy to identify at first. It’s a bit of a trial and error process where we learn about oursleves and others, which feels a bit ungrateful and discouraging at times. Although it’s a process that is well worth it, because you are doing this for you, and you matter most here.
I hope that your relationship with your therapist will improve over time, or that you’ll find one that would suit your needs better. Maybe your current therapist would be an amazing fit for someone else but not you, and that is an okay realization to have - if that is the case. None of this would ever make you wrong for seeking help or sharing about your pain. You are on the right path.
I’m sorry that you’ve been having such a disappointing/somewhat unhelpful experience with your therapist. The fact that you are expecting from them something different is totally valid and understandable. We absolutely need to feel heard and recognized in our pain in order to work on our own healing - that external validation is so fundamental. It’s unfortunate when someone only responds with providing advice, especially when on top of it it feels generic and not really thought for your specific situation. On your end, you are doing something brave and courageous by sharing about the painful experiences/events you’ve been through. If anything, your vulnerability is seen and valued here. You are doing the right thing by seeking support, by opening up and trying to process your pain.
I’ve personally had my share of traumas, and something that the “healing journey” has taught me a lot is that not everyone is going to be the right listener, or the right supporter. Some people are good at providing a type of support, and it will often vary from one individual to another. It’s a bit of an ungrateful journey to find the right one, or to negotiate sometimes with people. To explain how their responses make us feel, what is the help we’re in need of, and what isn’t helping at all. A good therapist especially will hear your concerns and feelings about what happens during your therapy sessions, and will look forward to adjusting/adapting their behavior and responses to you. If they don’t, it may be a sign to consider looking for a new/different one. One thing is sure: there is no embarrassment to feel and how comfortable or not your therapist is should not be yours to worry about. It’s healthy to talk about it with them, to clarify and open your communication together. In therapy, oftentimes you’ll be meant to discuss as much about the therapy/therapeutic process as about your personal struggles.
If anything, the fact that you are aware of this dynamic is huge in itself. You recognize something that isn’t serving you as it should, which can lead you to opening new doors or approaching things differently. Somehow, even when we identify something that is not helping us, it also teaches us more about our personal needs and the kind of support we are looking for. It tells you more about yourself, your heart, and the type of presence you need to have by your side - which isn’t always easy to identify at first. It’s a bit of a trial and error process where we learn about ourselves and others, which feels a bit ungrateful and discouraging at times. Although it’s a process that is well worth it, because you are doing this for you, and you matter most here.
I hope that your relationship with your therapist will improve over time, or that you’ll find one that would suit your needs better. Maybe your current therapist would be an amazing fit for someone else but not you, and that is an okay realization to have - if that is the case. None of this would ever make you wrong for seeking help or sharing about your pain. You are on the right path.
