something has just been floating in my mind and I can’t get rid of it, its been eating at me for a while now and im not sure how to handle it. every day I wake up I just think of how useless I am. I have no motivation to live, what’s the point of living if nothing is motivating me to go on? I have nothing to do all day, I wake up to go to my computer watch videos, draw and eat but it’s just me alone in my room doing nothing. my brother has so much that has motivated him, he plays online with his friends, goes out skating regularly and even makes videos while I sit alone doing nothing. I can’t go out with my friends because of my social anxiety to go, ill end up freaking out over every little thing ill just be a burden to drag along to my friends, I say no before I even go because I don’t wanna bear the burden of setting it up either because I mess that up. I can’t just get up and go to the mall or someplace because im still a child, I don’t have a car, I don’t have money to spend anyways. no matter how much I try everything just goes wrong in my life and honestly im just kind of done with living at this point but I continue to live on because ill just be even more of a burden to my family and friends if I did decide to kill myself. iv has been so desperate I have a noose in my closet, it is sad and pathetic but for some reason I keep it. I have many things in my life weighing me down, family issues plus issues at school that are hard for me to say because ill just be a burden to rely on somebody else to help me through that stuff. ill just waste and take up others time, everybody else is going through stuff so why should ask for help from a friend or counselor if they are busy going through the same, it would just be terrible to put that burden on them. I felt like I should at least get this out of my mind so that I have room for more stuff yet to come.
I won’t say that something motivational, because we all have to find our own motivations in life. Though trust me( a stranger with experience) that your friends/ people around you are more than willingly to help you and they will never think of you as a burden. I hope that I have helped you in some way, also random thing but can’t draw anything other than realism over here, but if you can draw really well like comics, you should consider making a job out of it, just a thought.
Hi,
Give yourself permission to be unmotivated. Give yourself permission to accept your reality and accept your pain. A lot of times, we feel trapped and stuck because we fight against what is. We say to ourselves, “But things shouldn’t be like this. I shouldn’t be like this.” When we don’t accept what is, we are always going to be in a struggle with life - fighting against life. We feel it’s unacceptable to be socially anxious, depressed, unmotivated or in need of help. We feel we need to change. But then powerless to do so. It’s not really a question of what is acceptable though. Because these things are already existing in your life.
Have you ever tried embracing and accepting your pain? Welcoming your fears? Being okay with not knowing? Once we accept everything in our life, they no longer control us. Life is no longer a struggle. I also have social anxiety. I was extremely shy when I was younger. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote about. But once I accepted and embraced my anxiety, I didn’t care about it as much. It’s funny how that works. The more we resist something, the stronger it becomes. Once we welcome it, it still may be there, but the struggle is gone. And there is a peace with it. And ironically, it diminishes.
I promise you, things get better. The one inevitable thing in life is change. But right now, everything you’re feeling is okay. This may either sound crazy to you, or you will understand what I am saying. Check out Eckhart Tolle on YouTube. His videos have helped me tremendously with my anxiety and depression. Maybe you might find them useful as well. And just know, you are not alone. I’m here for you, and you are not a burden to me. Xoxo
Jenn
Friend you are being really hard on yourself. Way too hard. You don’t have to be perfect all of the time. And it is okay to talk about what you are feeling. It is okay to unload your stresses and share them. That’s what this place is built for. To express our hearts and what we are going through. That is absolutely okay. That doesn’t make you a burden. As humans we all struggle and sometimes just need to be heard.
You matter. How you are feeling matters. Your life matters. You deserve to be heard.
Why are you being so hard on yourself? We as humans make mistakes all of the time. But we learn from our mistakes. We grow stronger.
If you are comfortable, you are more than welcome to share the problems and things you are struggling with. Okay?
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. Be kind to yourself.
hugs