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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to How Could You Leave Us by NF
When I listen to this song I think about all the people I lost to suicide I lost my brother , family friend , and now my cousin I lost him a week ago I lost a part of me when I lost my brother I blamed my self for my brothers death
Hi Friend,
Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry for your losses. Suicide is such a silent killer and it is really wreaking havoc out there in the world on so many families, friends, people and their loved ones. I can understand the questions asked in the song and how those questions must resonate with you deeply. It is so hard to understand why our loved ones would make such a decision. It is hard to reconcile because we want so badly to have been able to help them, be there for them, save them. And it is truly heartbreaking to know/learn that someone we love felt so much pain that they’d rather leave this world than to live in it. That pain, that blame, that guilt, all of those feelings just pile on and its hard to know what to do with them, how to work through them, how to be okay again.
You must have been close with your brother. And losing must have left a big impact for you to feel that way. I’m sorry that you feel as though you are to blame. I can understand why you would feel that way, even without knowing the full story. In cases of suicide it is often the case where we blame ourselves. We felt as though we could have or should have done more, should have been more aware - so many different reasons come up in our minds as to how we failed that person and it is hard to fight back and to not believe it when we are feeling such despair and heartbreak. Though I’m not sure if this is something you would want to hear, I don’t think that your brother’s death was your fault. And I don’t think your brother would blame you, or want you living life blaming yourself for his death either. He loved you very much I’m sure, and want for you to find a way to continue on the best way that you can. I say all of this from my personal insider experience - as someone who once was ready to commit suicide in spite of my family’s love, my family’s support, friend’s support, all of it. Sometimes the pain that someone feels, in their opinion, is too strong to carry on and they make a decision. I say this to say that suicide is not really anyone’s fault. It’s a tragedy.
I am hoping that one day you will be able to find a peace with yourself and release yourself from the blame. My condolences to you during this time for the recent loss of your cousin and for the memories that it brings up of previous lost ones. I hope that one day your heart can heal from all of this and that you can continue to carry these all of your lost ones in your heart and let them live on in a positive light in your memories. 