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Belongs to: Therapist gets Paranoid by Black Sabbath
When I’m high on weed I’m able to have moments of clarity where I’m able to assess my past and ever since my divorce I found myself pulling away from others almost entirely. I trust no one and am even more skeptical whenever anyone says they love me. It was worse when I realized my neuro divergent traits later in my adult life and I always referred to it as my passive ability I call “Own Tempo” where whenever I attempt to do anything God flips a coin. If the result is Heads my action is completed normally, if it’s Tails the action is botched somehow and completely misunderstood.
Now I just stay away from as many people as possible and have considered buying a plot of wooded land I can live on and basically live at the edge of the world waiting for death via old age or the bears and wolves. I’d rather be alone than abandoned again. If anything I could raise skunks and wolverines as a deterrent for other people to not enter my property. Guess it doesn’t help that I’m an INTP personality and have been a loner my entire life for the most part.
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Hey friend.
I have listened to this song for so long and never really listened to the lyrics until reading your post. Wow it hit some feels, doesn’t it? I can relate to being misunderstood a lot. I can be so awkward at times socially and then between that and be being so nice and encouraging, I have had people say I’m fake or must have a hidden agenda when in reality, I’m just genuinely wanting the best for people. I hope you don’t isolate yourself too much. It took me a long time, but after 30+ years, I have finally found a community of people that are amazing. It wasn’t easy and it took some courage and blind faith in putting myself out there. Once in a while I still get hurt, but I think once you find that person or community of people, it makes it so worth it. My self-esteem isn’t the greatest and those rejections and hurt feelings definitely take a toll, but the good eventually outweighs the bad. From reading your post, you seem to have a great personality and your sense of humor is awesome! It’s too good to isolate and withhold from people. Being an introvert that sits back and reflects on people’s actions and behaviors can be hard. But it makes me think about a reel that is circulating right now about socially awkward metalheads that arent a fan of people finding other socially awkward metalheads that arent a fan of people and becoming friends with them. It’s basically how I found my music family. I genuinely hope you don’t go off grid because the world needs more people like you in it!
Thank you for sharing such deep and personal thoughts. It sounds like you’ve been navigating a lot of pain and confusion, especially after your divorce. It’s completely understandable to feel hesitant about trusting others when you’ve faced challenges that have left you feeling vulnerable.
Finding clarity during those moments can be a powerful tool. I admire your ability to reflect on your past. It’s okay to take time for yourself and to seek solitude when you need it. But I also want to encourage you to explore connections that feel safe and supportive, like reaching out to HeartSupport! 
Your “Own Tempo” ability is a unique way of viewing your experiences. It’s clear you have a creative mind. While it’s tempting to retreat into the woods, remember that you don’t have to face this journey alone! There are people out there who will appreciate you for who you are—quirks and all! You’re worthy of love and connection. I hope you find ways to nurture that part of yourself.
You’ve got this. Keep going.