So My situation isn’t getting better AT All. My question is when is it too late? This situation is still controlling and toxic. I’ve tried my best to say how I feel and they either 1. take it as I mean it 2. just keep a list of the stuff that bothers me and not mention anything or 3. Not say anything yet to them (cause apparently from my mom’s perspective he will get mad). Yesterday I had really bad negative thoughts towards myself like it was around 3-4 years ago yet again. Then today I looked at my phone and just honestly wanted to take my screen protector off and relapse. I’ve honestly seen no point in living anymore.
I keep trying to voice my opinion, yeah they, I guess “listen” but some really don’t. I feel like I’m getting treated like I’m 5. But I’m not I’m 21 about to be 22 in like 2 months and 25 days (as some of you may know). Something that still gets to me is that the text I got from my father being a complete meanie (let’s keep it at that).
I keep going to my mother about this stuff because she’s the only family member I trust with this stuff. I don’t know if I want to continue to trust my own father. He tells me I can come to him about anything or if I need anything but, he doesn’t make it seem like that when he’s started to be this toxic, controlling, puppet maker of his oldest daughter.
Now with this thing he had installed on my phone was to control how much data I use, how many calls I make, and the texts I sent within the month. But it also shows him what apps I go on. With the texts he had sent was " No you are not acting like adult ash. An adult is getting rest and starting to take more responsibility. Like taking on more helpful chores during the day , getting your school work is done ( which I do), doing work outside the house and being involved with helping others… and I should not have to remind you." this hit me mentally and physically in a way it shouldn’t have . ( you can take this message how every you want to interpret that .) And immediately I told him how this offended me so much as he makes me feel like I’m being a controlled puppet.
Honestly, at this point, I don,t know I thought of ending it or relapsing as I said above.
What do I do? I feel like honestly giving up. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Please give me reasons why I shouldn’t give up. I know I don’t want to but I feel like it’s the only option.
You shouldn’t give up because you are a good person, and have the potential needed in order to have a satisfying life.
I think your dad has good intentions, but he is being overbearing and overcontrolling. That’s very hard to live with. If you’re like me, you might be thinking about doing something, like some kind of chore, but when someone tells you that you should do it, it makes you not want to do it. I have been so resistant to being told what to do, that I worked extra hard and did extra work, so my boss would just leave me alone at let me do my thing.
You are an adult, so it’s understandable that you don’t want someone else managing your life. You can gain some feeling of control by doing more than what’s expected of you. Not many people like that option, but it worked for me. It’s good to ask yourself if you would be doing the things that he wants you to do, even if he wasn’t telling you to do them. I’m guessing that you probably would be doing at least some of those things.
Another reason for not giving up is that your life will not always be the way it is now. I don’t know what your financial situation is, but it might be worthwhile to buy a cheap prepaid phone, and just leave the other one sitting in your room.
It’s good that you are reaching out and sharing your thoughts. You are not alone.
I 100% agree with you on this, as I haven’t started in this post by my other post, my parents have guardianship over me for years now … And he’s only doing this is bc he hired someone to help him. and I was barely being communicated about this. I wasn’t told why. I’ve even started the words I don’t want her in my family’s life. Yet nothing is done about that besides me being physically upset and not even wanting to be with my own dad . I know family is family and I want my family back to the way it was before I felt like I was being controlled like a puppet.
The thing is I do what he tells me to do. I truly do. i just want to focus on what’s best for me and what can cause me less stress.
I don’t work right now as the school I go to has been my main priority. I try to as I say manage my life without being stressed out … But when it gets time I will get this situated. But hey not everyone is going to like my decision …
Left a note on the mirror for my mother to read and respond to as that im tired of this overcontrolling and overbearing situation … This has def. been taking a toll on my mental health. i just dont know what to do .
09/04/2021 :
I dont know what to do now . As i keep getting comments , i keep lashing out due to the fact that stuff keeps happening and me never before caused me to lash out and say stuff. I keep writing down that i want Person X ( a female whos name i wont be saying) helping . BUT NO ONE LISTENS… They all decide to keep her around…
Honestly would it be selfish to put the blame on my parents if i were to take my life because of this or ???
Hi all_around_ashley
Please dont kill yourself because of this. I know people can act in ignorant or selfish ways but please dont pay them back by the same coin. You are great and you deserve better. Please try to take action and do what you want even if others dissaprove. Be your own person.
I don’t know that it would be selfish to blame your parents, but perhaps you are overlooking a lot of other issues that contribute to the tension and anger you are experiencing. Parents and families can be really really dysfunctional. I suffered a lot as a child. I attempted suicide at the age of 10. I can’t say that I know what you’re going through, but I understand feeling frustrated and desperate.
Regarding the comments that you are getting, what part of them is controlling what you feel? What part of them HAS to control what you feel? Are any of them true? If any of them are true, you have options regarding how to deal with them.
The problem with suicide is that you can’t change your mind. Much love, fun and life fulfillment would be missed.
Things might be rough now, but when you come out on the other side of this experience, you can feel accomplished and proud.
I have seen you be supportive of others here. Let others here support you.
I wouldnt really say my family is dysfunctional , it just lacks of communication and trust sometimes ( for now is an example )…
Only I can control how i feel , but none of them has control besides me . They are not true … But most of this has been out of frustration and anger of how i feel like a pupet who has an on and off switch …
I can agree with you on that for sure , as that in the heat of how i feel and how my situation is , i guess i have found a chicken way out to stop this temporary pain to something .
and i will , i have tried my best to do what i can for this community when i have the mental and physical energy to do so .
Thank you for responded to my post , some nights are rough when people want to pic battles with me . I know i deserve better but with the LACK OF COMMUNICATION from my father because of this situation . stuff has gotten worse but also somewhat stayed the same … I do try but i get the comments and it just defeats the purpose of me being adult cause i feel like im a kid being told what to do as an adult . Yeah i know its going to be like that when i get a job but when i am home i get to be me …
