I hear you. Depression and anxiety are such a life sucker. It’s already tough to deal with one, but both combined truly feel like a living nightmare sometimes. I wish for you to have the possibility to feel joy again in a way that wouldn’t seem temporary. But one you could really feel like holding tightly, one that would bring a sense of grounding and belonging to you.
May I ask how has been your experience with medicine and therapy in the past? What are your personal takeaways from them both?
I hear your concerns about money, but, I can’t emphasize enough how much it is never a waste to spend money in order to access to resources that could help you, whether it is for your physical or mental health. Just because your well being is not a luxury. It is a fundamental need. If you had an accident tomorrow and were hurt, would you think it would be a waste of money to receive medical care? I’m sure you wouldn’t. Mental health is as important as physical one. Some of us need a crutch sometimes, and that’s okay.
Your are not abnormal or broken because you are struggling with a depression and anxiety. It happens to be part of your life. It happens to be part of the life of so many. It doesn’t make anyone less than others though. It just shapes our connection with the world around us in a certain way. It impacts the regulation of our emotions and the way we perceive the world. As a result, it is still valid, and you still belong just as you are.
Medications, on another hand, are indeed not going to fix your problems, and it’s really good that you’re aware of it. Many people want antidepressants with the idea that it would heal them. The fact that it doesn’t heal doesn’t make them useless though. They act like a crutch. Depression has this sneaky effect of making everything pointless and too hard to do. A medication is there to help you muster this energy you need in order to keep on living. It allows you to keep experiencing life. And regarding anxiety, it allows you to actually see and feel that you can do the things you’re afraid of, and that nothing bad will happen. It allows you to step out of your comfort zone - all of these things that are part of learning to cope and working on the roots of your struggles. To take an extreme example, being stuck in bed and having zero energy nor motivation to do anything only reinforces the vicious cycle. Depression and anxiety create this cycle that allow them to feed themselves. If you picture the wheel of a bicycle, it’s as if a branch has been put in it. The medication is there to put the branch away an add small wheels. Then, it is still up to you to learn how to use the pedals. Until the small wheels are not necessary. Until you find your own pace.
You have acknowledged the issue, what’s weighing on you.
What is going to be your next step, friend?