Why can a relationship never be simple

Me and my collegue have both feelings for each other.
He is in a relationship and they have a house.
We are joking a lot on the job but since a month we talk about our own lives, past, future,…
His relationship isn’t going too great. That’s why he looked for contact.
Now he is broken inside because he is standing in front of this dilemma.
He thinks rationally about the house. But a house can’t be the thing binding you to a person.
If he wouldn’t choose me, he should choose himself. She isn’t treating him right.
If she is bossing over him… how long can it keep going? That’s what I think.
He needs to be loved… I want to be there for him. I don’t want to become his gf in the shadows. But I still want to win him over. For now, I should let it rest?


Sounds like you’re in a hard situation to deal with and I’m glad you came here to post.

I will tell you what I’ve learned in life, but I’m not going to tell you what to do.

First, no matter how you feel about someone who is in a relationship, you shouldn’t get involved with them. You should let him figure out his relationship without any outside complications, pressure or influences. Even if he tells you he has feelings for you, don’t get involved until he figures his own stuff out first.

Often times, in this situation… the person will have you and not deal with their home situation and string things along. You’ll be the other woman and things will get very complicated. He might not ever leave this person because of the house commitment, but want you on the side. You don’t want that do you?

So, if it was me, I would tell him that until he can work out what he wants, you’re going to take a step back and wait. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself and your heart.


As Mystrose has put it, you shouldn’t get involved with their relationship itself. You can still be a shoulder to cry on, but I’d refrain from trying to give “advice” to an extent, because unfortunately a lot of the time, there’s personal bias (like the mutual feelings for each other that get in the way). I wish for the best for all parties-- but taking a step back for yourself might be in best interest.


From: I Am Reclaimer

Hey friend, I thikn that you find yourself in a very precarious situation. Feeling the magnetic draw to another person that can’t be yours immediately is a very vexing experience. I’ve been in situations like this, and one time followed through with starting a relationship with someone who was already in a relationship. I was young, dumb, and stupid. A few weeks into this new relationship, the recently new ex of this person sent her a picture of him holding a gun to his head and saying I’m going to kill my self.

I did that… I caused someone to be an inch from taking their life… because of the decision I made to get myself so close with a person already with someone… the ex didn’t kill himself, thankfully, but it wrecked him emotionally… and it sent a message to me and my conscious. I’ll have to carry that for the rest of my life. I really don’t want to see you have to deal with those kinds of emotions.

I’m not trying to say your situation and mine are the same, but what I am saying is to take a step back and ask yourself if A) who does this hurt? B)is this truly going to make me happy - why C)how will this be a good thing for my life and those around me?

I hope this helps to put things into a different perspective. Do the right thing. That’s all that matters.


From: ManekiNeko

thank you so much for sharing with us what’s on your heart. I know that it might feel like a heart ache to hear the words of others telling you to not get involved, but I would encourage that 1. You’re hearing one side of a conversation. I’m not saying that she is a saint or hasn’t done anything wrong, but two people have to be involved to make or break a relationship. If anything I would encourage him to open communication with his partner and if he really does want to end that relationship then it has to be honest and open.
The second thing I’d like you to have a think about is whether starting a relationship by trying to win someone over to leave someone else is healthy for both of you. Really listen to how he talks about his partner. Is it something you’d want to find out he’s said about you should there be an issue in the future? Will there be a bit of a mess between him and his current girlfriend that you’d find yourself in the middle of? Is this the best situation you all deserve?
of course you can be there to support and listen and be a friend, and ultimately any decision is yours to make. But I do hope that your decision is one that will really be the best you deserve.

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Hi there,

this sounds like a really complicated situation and I’m sorry you ended up in there. I cannot tell you what to do, and what I would do in your situation doesn’t really matter here. But maybe you could ask yourself some questions and find the best solution.
Did you develop feelings for him before, or after you knew he was in a relationship and owning a house with his partner?
Who initiated the jokes and is driving them along? You, he or both?
If he is unhappy with his life and looking for friends, that’s completely fine, but sadly it went further than that. Is he just hoping you are his way out of an unhappy relationship, or does he really care about you personally?
I agree with Mystrose. There is no reason to get involved in an already existing relationship. He has to decide for himself what he needs, he has to make his own life choices, and whether that means to stay with his partner, leaving her and being alone, or starting a relationship with you, is completely on him. You should not try to win him over. Do you want to be with someone you had to convince first?

I really wish you all the best and hope you can find a way to be happy no matter what happens. :hrtlegolove: