TW: suicidal thoughts, self harm
no matter how hard i try i can’t seem to get help. i’ve talked to an organization and done so much research, but i still get nothing. there is nothing anyone can do.
i have no future and feel hopeless. i know wanting to move out and have a stable income is so unrealistic. don’t even get me started on wanting an okay mental health, mine is literally too far gone even when i go to therapy. i’m either numb from antidepressants or having suicidal thoughts. there’s no hope for me.
i have self harm and suicidal thoughts almost every single day and honestly i think it might be time for me. i’m too exhausted to carry out an existence that has been hurting me for so long. sometimes i wish my suicide attempt at 11 years old would have happened, i wouldn’t be dealing with years and years of suffering. i’m tired of holding on for nothing. i have a boyfriend and a friend, but i know they can move on, i’m not a big contributor to anyone’s life.
i can’t imagine myself living for another month and that makes me want to just spend my limited amount of money even though my boyfriend keeps telling me not to. what’s the point? why not spend it all if i don’t see myself living?