Hi HS Fam,
I’m back with another update. Unfortunately, my partner broke up with me 2 weeks ago and I found out today that they unfollowed me on Instagram and unfriended me on Facebook. For some reason, this just opened a wellspring of emotions and heartbrokeness all over again.
I’m talking to a friend about it but it still hurts and I don’t really know what to do. I’ve been working so hard in keeping my head up and going to therapy, but man this is a hard night- especially with final exams and assignments looming.
Thank you for being a community here guys,
I really appreciate you all.
so sorry that you’re hurting.
But maybe this could be a good thing? If you’re not on their socials. that would mean it could be case of “out of sight, out of mind” maybe?
Would it help you now to not be able to have to see any of their posts? I’d say that this is a good step for you, hopefully you c an focus on studying and doing what you need to.
So sorry you’re hurting now. Please remember that you’re very valuable and we all love you here, okay?
Do your best out there friend!
Breaking up sucks, but all it means is that she wasn’t your person. Yours is out there, so don’t let this get you down. Usually, when people break up they go their separate ways. They don’t want reminders so they unfollow, block etc them. It’s just like avoiding someone in real life.
You’re going to meet other people thru out your life and like they say, “some will stay for awhile and some will stay forever.”
Just remember the coping skills you’re learning in therapy and talk to your therapist about it.
Thank you for your responses friends. I appreciate them.
I also wanted to send an update that she has now deleted our shared album of photos. It feels like a step too far… since this means I also can no longer access photos I may want to keep. I’m kind of angry about that… it doesn’t feel like a decision she can make on my behalf?I don’t know… I have so many assignments to do and I just can’t start now.
There are no “rules” for a break up. I went thru an online breakup 4 months ago and the only thing I kept from that was the video card he bought me for my PC lol ( I call it payment for pain and suffering). I don’t want anything to do with him.
That’s what happens even after almost 6yrs of being with someone. I’m sorry that you were not able to keep pictures of her, but do you really want something that will probably depress you even more if you have access to them? It would probably be harder to heal with reminders. That’s just how I feel about it.
She’s probably dealing with the breakup in the best way she can, and the reminders are probably too much for her.
There are so many ways people react/respond to a break up of any kind. The “delete everything” category is one such, and has more to to do with the deleter than the one being blocked/deleted.
I’d not take it too personally, let her do what she needs to to cope with it, and wishing you all the best in your ways of coping with it. Hope you can focus on your assignments too, it must be a very emotional time for you.
Oh @Alex, I am so sorry. This break has been really rough for you already. I cannot even imagine how it’s been for you for the past few weeks. I wish it didn’t lead to a breakup. It is so hard to suddenly have to deal with the reality of the loss of such an important person in your life.
Please keep in your mind and your heart the fact that how you feel is absolutely valid and justified. Seeing her removing you from her socials and then deleting those pictures is so brutal. Not only there is the breakup to process, but then there’s all these “little” changes that come off as another punch hitting you. Just as if every possibility to decide was taken away from you over and over.
It is unfortunate that this is also a stressful time with your studies and all the assignments to do. Take it easy, @Alex, okay? Your heart is always a priority. Make sure to work a little bit, also as a way to keep doing things for yourself and pursue your goals, but also make sure to have room for just feeling what needs to be felt, to not ignore that there are special circumstances at play. With the perspective of the assignments, it would be unfair to wether push away what is part of your life achievements or on the contrary to use it as a way to avoid this painful situation. There is a fine balance to find, one day after another, little by little.
I’m sending a giant hug your way. Your emotions are valid, friend.
Breakups are a special kind of hard loss. You’ve lost them, but they are still out there. Every communication that comes to an end resets the loss. Getting removed from socials is another layer to the loss. It just keeps going. It’s normal for it to be hard, and it’s okay that you feel like you’re getting broken up with all over again. In a sense, you are.
Every token of the relationship that you shed will impart a sense of loss. It’s a prolonged and painful process. You’re losing something that was a constant in your life. It gets better though. Not overnight, not quickly, not without pain, but it gets better. It’s okay to be angry and bitter, it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to feel depressed about it.
My advice is to hold onto something to keep your head above water. For me, it was work. If I didn’t go to work every day after my big breakups, I would have drowned. If you just keep moving, eventually (think months, not weeks) you’ll get used to the new routine and things will seem easier. Don’t mistake that for distracting yourself from the emotional process–if you try to avoid your feelings with partying, overworking, or other extreme behaviors, your feeling will just be waiting for you on the other side.
Eventually the wounds will heal into scars. The most worthwhile exes leave a mark that may never go away entirely. That just means they were impactful. Just like scars though, you’ll eventually be able to get back to your life with just surface reminders of the relationship you had and the pain of the loss, and you’ll have a token of a life well lived. It takes time, but it will get better. Hold fast.
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