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Belongs to: Pearl Jam's Black does such a beautiful job
Why… why can’t it had been me….?!? I miss my wife i#of 33 yrs… why couldn’t it be me… I would have taken off my right arm!!! I feel the HURT Brother! Love is Unconditional
Oh, my friend. Losing her after 33 years must feel like a part of you is just gone now. There is so much hurt through the words you have shared here. Your voice is heard. I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling all of this grief, loss and pain.
I can only imagine how much every aspect of your relationship and the life you’ve shared together must be a source of pain now. She was woven into every part of your life. Every little moment, the routines, the inside jokes, even the silence together… Every part of your world was mingled with your love. It makes you want to keep reaching out to her through everything… but hearing your voice getting lost in an echo feels excruciating.
Your love is so strong, and there is no doubt that you’d give anything, your right arm, or trade places in a heartbeat if it meant she’d still be here. When you love someone so deeply, so fiercely, the pain of not being able to protect them is horrendous. In my own way, I have felt that with a close family member, someone I still miss each and every day. It’s so hard to keep carrying love for two. To have it facing a wall of nothingness over and over, while on your side it might feel more present than ever. It’s just not fair… it doesn’t make sense either.
My heart goes out to you so very much. I don’t know the specific circumstances behind your loss, but I promise you that your heart is felt right here. Your voice is not lost into silence. Your pain is shared. It means a lot that you’ve chosen to share it here. I know we can’t heal that hurt, we can’t even put bandaids on it. But we can and are by your side here at HeartSupport, my friend. We are in this with you. 
Sending so much love your way today.