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It rough coming back from vacation and back to my boring job. My routine is still throw off and it I haven’t be able to fix my please skill. Not able fix everything in a good sechule.
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I’m worry my new best friend will leave me. I haven’t had a close friend like her for really long time. Never felt so close to someone. But if found what I did my past to a person I cross a boundary ( it was really bad mistake, unforgivable in someways) with, she judge me and see me for my mistakes. I really want to be brave, honest and open. If did leave, I wish will be strong enough to accept it and let her go. My heart would not be able to bear the pain. I don’t if my shadow is haunting me.
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It sounds like you’re becoming more reflective and wise. It’s very wise to consider how you’d react if your friend left. It’s also a good thing to have the courage to be honest and open.
Yes, your friend might leave, but it’s important for you to invest trust into the relationship. Keeping fear of separation/breakup in your mind will greatly diminish the quality and potential fulfillment of the relationship. When people sense insecurity, they start wondering why it exists. It leads to suspicions like, “what’s he hiding?” Or it could be, “why doesn’t he trust me?” “If he doesn’t trust me, I’d better not trust him.” Insecurity shows up in body language, “micro-expressions,” and the appearance of being “standoff-ish.”
Insecurity is a habit, which takes time to overcome, but you can manage the symptoms by turning all of your focus towards the interactions you have with this friend. If your concentration is entirely occupied with whatever is happening in that interaction at the present moment, the brain has very little chance of engaging in runaway insecurity.
Most of us have experienced painful breakups, and it often makes us afraid to invest trust into new relationships. The reality is, trust is necessary in order for a relationship to grow toward love. Another truth is, even if it ends in a painful breakup, you’ll still be glad you had the courage to invest the trust. Without doing so, the reluctance to trust will inevitably be a significant factor in why the relationship failed.
So, when you’re around someone you care about, tell yourself to have faith in the friendship/relationship. Interact as though you’re open to having a future with this person. Relationships fail, even when both people have the best of intentions, yet trusting the other person’s intentions will prevent bitterness if a breakup occurs.
Having realized you made the mistake and now regret it, means that you’re no longer the same person you were at the time when you made the mistake. As long as you’ve learned, and don’t do it again, there’s no reason to carry guilt about it.
The heart is very resilient, having absolutely remarkable ability to heal, perhaps with scars, but they are instrumental in enhancing your ability to have empathy and share love.
You’ve changed a lot in the past months, very much for the better.
Thanks for sharing your journey with us. Wings
I think you need to have some grace for yourself. We always hold ourselves up to high standards than anyone else would. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves and expect others would also have those same ideas about us. As a friend who values you as a person, perhaps she has more grace than you realise.
We also don’t have to share every detail about ourselves with everyone. It’s up to you what you want to share and not.
I have things that I share with one close friend and not another. I get to choose who I share things with, and especially things from the past. They don’t change who I am now, they don’t change my relationships with the people I have in my life now.
I’ve done one thing that I sometimes think about every now and again. And I know that if things were different I wouldn’t have done it or I would have been honest with the people involved. But it’s nothing to do with anyone I now have friendships with, so it stays in the past as a mistake that I once made. It can’t and won’t ever define me.
Why should this moment define you? What is the benefit of sharing it and having you fear ruining this friendship?
And if you do share it and are expecting that there is a potential of ruining the friendship, how do you plan on dealing with that? You can’t go into a loop of guilting yourself over something you can’t change and that you do have the ability to grow from. It’s not fair for you or her.
Take some time to talk to your therapist about this and find a way to heal. You deserve that.
I think most of us have had that feeling of returning from vacation and being returned to the realities of everyday life!
You’re not alone in that lol 
you have grown a lot, and I’m proud of you for being reflective on your past. Your past is your past, it doesn’t define you. Everyone has made mistakes and done things in their past that they wish they had done differently.
It is important to forgive yourself for those mistakes, and learn lessons from it.
Friendships are great things, enjoy it. Don’t worry too much about the past, and try to not let the worry about being judged take over. Keep growing, keep sharing with us, lve seeing your journey!
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Hey @Metalskater1990
Welcome back from your holiday, yes indeed it is always a a bit of a downer coming back to reality after a nice holiday isnt it, I always try to remind myself though that the beauty of coming home is that you get to go again.
I understand your fears with regards to your past and your friend and you kind of have a couple of choices there.
- say nothing, your past is your past for a reason, its no ones business but yours therefore no one has a right to judge you because of it.
- This person is a good friend and not a life partner, there is no real reason that they have to judge you, they are your friend and I am certain they too have made mistakes in their past. we all have. so tell them and see how much of a friend they truly are. they should be fine in theory, if not, they are not the friend they claim to be.
I wish you well but please try not to get so worried.
Lisa x
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