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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Falling Away From Me By KORN
Yeah my first memory was my dad beating up my mom and it led to a terrible life I got his addictive personality and really fucked my life up I’m 46 still live with mom at least now you go ahead and try to beat her now I was diagnosed in my 40s with ptsd I love your channel
I’m really sorry to hear that your earliest memory involves such violence and that it set the tone for a challenging life. Growing up in that environment leaves scars that are difficult to heal, especially when those behaviors carry over in different forms, like addiction.
Getting diagnosed with PTSD in your 40s must have brought some clarity, even if it felt overwhelming at first. Understanding the root cause of the struggles you’ve faced can sometimes provide a new perspective, but it’s still a long road to navigate. Living with your mom and protecting her now speaks to the love and resilience that you have, despite all the challenges you’ve endured.
It’s inspiring that you’re finding strength to keep going and that you’ve connected with supportive channels that bring comfort. Even when the journey is tough and filled with setbacks, leaning on resources that help you feel heard can make a world of difference.
Your willingness to share your story shows incredible courage, and I’m grateful you’re part of a supportive community. Take things one step at a time, and know that your past doesn’t have to define your future. You’re doing your best with what you have, and that’s a very brave thing for you to do.
You have witnessed violence and brutality at such an early age, and it’s truly unfair to lead a life that seems to be affected by this trauma, over and over. For what it’s worth, I deeply relate to what you’ve described here - in my 30s, cPTSD, and first memory in life is my mom beating up my sister. It is so hard and feels so isolating when the foundation of your life has been met with violence. When, as you grew up, you also had to learn to survive and find your way in a world that felt truly unsafe, while feeling too broken and not good enough at the same time. It’s painful to carry this narrative that your life has been conditioned by others poor choices and brutality, and that even decades after you feel the heaviness of it all. It’s tempting sometimes to think about how some people know at least what life can be before knowing trauma. For others, traumas was foundational and there is no previous memory to hold on to. Beyond them, beyond us, there is what feels like a blank page to write on, which can appear to be so overwhelming at times. It forces you to ask yourself who you are, what you want from this life, and reinvent yourself entirely… both a beautiful perspective where there is hope to build, but also something that feels like a curse at the same time.
What happened to you was deeply unfair, although as much as it has impacted you, your life or your story, it will never define you. You are more than what happened and the burdens you’ve had to carry ever since. I’m so proud of you for standing still, for seeking this diagnosis, for pursuing in life and not giving up on yourself. You matter, friend. You did 40+ years ago, and you still do today. Thank you so much for honoring us with the gift of your story and vulnerability here.