This is too much. I appreciate the effort anyway–I hope this helps someone else. Countless someones.
Public forums are not always great for everyone, and that’s understandable. But do try to talk to someone in a more personal setting. A therapist, family member, or a friend, etc. There are always people who care.
Don’t ever give up! There are people who fight hard to help those who need it and know that there are so many people out there who are battling just like you. And they are rooting for you! Make a conscious choice and tell yourself you are better than your circumstances and how you feel does not rule over your choices. Make changes where there needs to be changes. Prayer also changes a lot. I will be praying for you friend.