You know people always say to make sure you call a

[HeartSupport_Fans]

This is a topic from YOUTUBE. Reply as normal, and we will post it to the user on YouTube.

Belongs to: Therapist reacts to a 45 by Shinedown
You know people always say to make sure you call an emergency hotline when you feel suicidal, but the hotlines literally do nothing for you how do you actually find real help how do you find someone who actually understands instead of just parroting pre-programmed responses to something out of a fear that they’ll actually I don’t know relate to you and then they’re so worried about triggering you that they can’t tell you that they hear the screams inside your head? I’m so tired of believing these lies trying to tell need this existence I’m in is somehow worth something and worth fighting for when no one can tell me where to go. No one can tell me that there’s ever an end. And no one ever says anything but the same semantics and and platitudes programmed into the synopsis in our brain from the moment we are exposed to something uncomfortable online. Where do you find real help? Where do you go when you need to find the truth and actual answers instead of platitudes?

Cuz I’ve been trying since 2017, and to be honest even after coming back from the 10 attempts I made??

I STILL can’t figure it out, and this world is somehow different and darker and so much more heartless then the one that I thought I lived in, I was preparing my son for.

The self worth I once had that fanned and provided life support to that in perceivable spark beneath the coals of what was once my extensive belief and Hope and Faith in the universe and humanity…that worth has been violently beaten from me, and that spark was the ONLY source of strength I had to draw from and use to fight for…

Ugh, there I go in attention sing way too much that you don’t need to know. I’m just saying I’m sick of everyone going if you’re in trouble call the hotline or if you didn’t get help but no one says where to get help or how will simultaneously speaking as the saving your own life from the demons birds in your head to protect you is an easy task.

That’s all.

[NateTriesAgain]

Understood - “hope”, they call it. Right? But it’s just the concept of “hope” because you push through the front door, and what do you find? An “NPC” basically. It’s as if you’re just talking to a bot. And we’re all programmed to point people to the bot too. So it’s like Google maps routing you to the wrong place no matter what address you type in.

Honestly I’m impressed by your perseverance. It’s hard to choose to push through so much discouragement.

Suicidal thoughts are scary, but they’re scarier when everyone treats them like a bomb you’re going to cut the wrong wire on. Because where that leaves you? Is fucking ALONE.

I’m sorry you’ve been chasing your tail despite earnest desires to improve.

That’s tough man.

I can relate both on the suicidal thoughts level but also on the - I’ve been searching for help for my addiction for 12 years without breakthrough despite earnest attempts.

That kind of erosion on hope is deep. I end up feeling … apathetic. It is like my “care” muscle hurts to lift.

Anyways let me get practical here because you’re asking for real help

If I had to point at one thing that has consistently IMPROVED my life - not solved it but improved it - it’s this cold simple truth:

Genuine relationships.

I can point you to my first mentors Jason and Greg. Or my first twelve step sponsor. Or my spiritual father Mike. Or my good friend Ben. Or my best friends Tim and Matt. Or my therapists over the years Rachel, Stephen, Ashley, Kat.

Long term, loving, safe, PEOPLE. Committed to relationship with you.

I think it’s just part of our design man. Souls rubbing on souls when there is commitment in love…it changes you over time.

And so the question becomes: where can you go to find those kinds of relationships?

Well Heartsupport has a year long mentorship program where you can get connected to someone who is committed to you for a year. It’s not perfect but commitment is half the battle. CONTEXT for relationships to grow. You have to commit to it too, to care, to show up, to talk, to engage, to persevere when it’s messy and awkward.

But there are other places too. Recovery. Therapy. Church. Organic mentorship’s with people you respect. Those are places I’ve found it. There are others too. But in my life my improvement is like chapter after chapter of loving people.

I know that’s not a sexy answer but it’s one that’s true for me.

And by the way: you are worthy of those wonderful, messy, loving relationships. You deserve it.

Thank you for your strength. Your perseverance. You matter. I believe hope is worth fighting for - for you and for me. And our stories strengthen one another.

With love,

Nate, Heartsupport staff