This is a topic from YOUTUBE. Reply as normal, and we will post it to the user on YouTube.
Belongs to: Mom and Son React to Hurt by Johnny Cash
Your mom has a lot of wisdom. You too, in that description about disappearing into despair, overwriting any good that one may have done in life. That’s me. Every day I can only remember the hurt I’ve done to others, the wasted opportunities, significant relationships I missed out on, the bad things I’ve done. I know I must have done some good in my life, but I never remember it. When my mind tortures me with pointing out all my failures, it never tells me anything good I have done for others. I have to tell myself, 'Yeah, but I’ve done good, too." The thing I cling to is Christ, who has been merciful to me, for which I am grateful, but I know I have wasted my life. I have grace, but not much else.
That’s a painful place to be. It’s not enough that all these bad things overshadow the good for you. Your mind has to rub them in your face, too. You’re constantly under siege from guilt over what you’ve done and regret over what you haven’t. You seem overwhelmed to the point that you don’t see any value in the life you’ve led even though you know that you’re not the bad person your brain tries to convince you you are. You know you’ve done good. It’s just hard to see in this darkness.
But reaching out to your faith is a start. A good start. It’s an act of hope despite all the darkness in your life. It shows both remarkable strength and humility: strength to persevere and humility to ask for help when you need it. Those are two amazing qualities. YOUR amazing qualities. Good and wonderful things about you and who you are. Despite all the negativity in your life, you’re still shining. That’s awesome.
This reminds me of Leonard Cohen’s “Anthem.” There’s a line in it I go back to constantly: “There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” Our mistakes don’t define us. They’re part of being human. They’re how we grow. Painfully, sure. But we grow nonetheless.
First off I just want to say thank you for being open with us here, we appreciate it and don’t take it for granted.
I can relate to you to an extent here, it’s hard to overcome the reminders of things that you have listed here. I feel like this has consumed a lot of my life; although people tell me I’m a good person and they like me, it’s hard to not remember those times where I let my emotions take over, the people I have ghosted, the pain I have caused. It’s like there are so many great things people can say about me, but I can only remember the bad things. There are so many great things I have done, but I can only remember my mistakes, my mishaps.
I think that is how a lot of people are. I think it is something with being human. Please just know you are not alone in this.
Religion can be a healthy way to manage these thoughts and emotions. I am glad that you have that.
I don’t believe you have wasted your life. We may not be the same age, but I have had this thought often. I try to remind myself, there’s still more time, I don’t need to wait for next week or next month or next year, I can just start now. Starting is difficult, but when we start it can change so much.