I just recently moved into a new apartment in the town where I’m attending college. My roommate is the only person I know on campus. But even though he’s here I may as well be alone. He prioritizes his girlfriend over everyone else in his life. He always flaked on our other friends and myself back home, it’s no different here. Even when he is around I’m always the third wheel since they are almost never separate. It’s a constant reminder of how alone I am and sometimes it even seems intentional.
All of my other friends are back home. It’s not a cross country drive, but it’s also too far away for convenience. Spending time with my friends was always the most effective way for me to manage my depression, suicidal thoughts and self-harm. Now that I’m basically alone, those thoughts are coming back and are stronger than they’ve been for a long time.
I’ve never drank or taken drugs to suppress those feelings but when I feel this way I’m incapable of doing anything productive. I use distractions like video games or trading card games to get away, and sometimes the feelings are too strong for even that to work. This is a major problem since I need to spend more time outside of class on my work than I ever have before.
I have no idea how to cope with my mental illnesses. Medication never worked for me. If I can’t manage these things, especially now, it’s going to have a negative impact on the rest of my life.
@LetTheOceanTakeMe I just want to say well done for reaching out and not completely isolating.
I know how hard it is to be somewhere where you don’t have any friends - I live int he town I grew up in, however all of my friends have gone to university or now live abroad and so I only have the people I work with who I don’t really consider to be my friends. Just try and remember that your friends from back home are just on the other end of a phone. I know it’s compeltely different having the phsyical support, but you will always have us here at HeartSupport too - you’re not alone. Come and join the community discord, jump into the streams. There’s plenty of people around!
You said medication never worked for you? How many different ones did you try? I’m not saying that you NEED to be on medication to feel better, because you don’t, but I went through SO many before I found the right ones - and I know for some people it can take years of trial and error.
Have you been to counselling/therapy or is it an option for you right now? Whether it be through the school you’re in, through a doctors referral or self referral I think you could benefit from it… Meanwhile, a great resource for you might be the Dwarf Planet book that HeartSupport released this year. It’s a workbook that helps you explore and understand depression/negative feelings and there has been so much positive feedback from it. I started working through it myself and the first 4 chapters alone hit me pretty hard. When I was struggling in college, I was told to reach out to 1 new person in my classes at least and that’s how I made friends, maybe you could try that? You will make new friends, it just takes time. I hope some of this is helpful - keep coming to the wall, we’re all here for you.
Thank you for sharing and it’s awesome how you’re attending college and working towards a career.
Like @Kayla said, phone calls can work even though it’s not physical contact. FaceTime is pretty cool too so you can see their beautiful faces.
Attend some clubs if there are any of interest to be surrounded with like-minded people.
If you have some extra money, see if you can find a fitness club to join. Not only does it help physically and mentally, you can find some really supportive people in that environment and make new friends!
Thank you for reaching out! Isolation and depression are definition linked together, so what you’re feeling is completely normal, albeit sucky. I would recommend trying to get involved into an offline community, such as a volunteer group, or if you’re religious, a church. I’ve moved around a lot and I typically make new friends once I get connected into a solid church. In the meantime, technology is here for you! Don’t be afraid to give friends a call back home. Exercise has always made me feel better too - if it’s a beautiful day, go outside and go on a light jog! You’re strong - you got this! We believe in you.
You mention Campus. What you can do is look up any activities or clubs involved with those activities and try to join. I don’t know how many classes you have so think reasonably. This is a simple method of finding friends is through a common interest. Also, maybe group therapy might help as well if you’re into it. I know a lot of people frown on members in therapy hanging out, but sometimes someone that can relate to issues you have can make a good support (If they kind of have their stuff together better than you). When I started out a tool I used was to distract myself. What is why I’m a bookworm & a gamer. Something that immerses you is a great distraction when you’re depressed or having other issues.
Thank you for all of the suggestions everyone! Joining extracurricular activities will be a real challenge for me because of my social anxiety, but I suppose I’ll have to get over that anyway. And I’ve already started exercising again since my apartment complex has a free gym and pool. Having a release for all of the negative energy helps a lot. Therapy isn’t an option right now because of all my other costs. But I’m already starting to feel somewhat better.
You’ve all been very helpful. Thank you all for your support!
