I’m scared that I’ll never get up. I’m so tired. I just want to sleep. Fuck I don’t know what I need anymore
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I just broke again. I hate myself. I’m such an idiot. Why did I break. Why did I try to kill myself agains. There was no reason too but I did why. Why why why why why why why why why why why
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you’re trying, friend, very hard.
sometimes things will be very hard, as you’re still learning, still recovering.
are you safe?
Do you have company or do you need to call someone?
Do you have a safety plan?
I’m so sorry you’re hurting. Please be gentle with yourself.
We love you and want you to be safe AND happy.
Are you safe?
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I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.
I need someone to call. I’m by myself and can’t tell anyone I’m in pain.
Yes and I’m using it now. I’m sorry I put this on you.
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There is a reason. Of course I have no idea what it is, but I’m pretty sure it’s a case of negative experience and belief. It could be a manifestation of PTSD. You could be experiencing difficult to manage mood swings.
Don’t be angry with yourself. You didn’t ask for the difficulties you are experiencing. Tell me something, have you ever considered self-harm at a time when you were feeling comfortable with yourself? I know that sounds like a dumb question, but I think if you sense your mind turning toward thoughts of self-harm, and immediately called upon self affirming and compassionate thoughts, maybe the self-harm urge would dissipate.
Have you kept track of what was going on in your life when these self-harm urges manifested? In other words, can you identify distinct things that trigger it?
What are you doing and what is your state of mind when the urge is minimal or nonexistent?
I am just thinking, if you become really mindful of your thought process, it might be helpful.
If you feel as though you’re going into crisis, and there is no one to talk to, try dialing 211. They are like a mental health triage operation.
Please stay safe!
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I can’t go to school but my mom is forcing me. I can’t make her understand that I tried to die and need some kinda of time. I can’t tell her. Help. Also wings I’ll give you a response soon
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It also helps a ton to take 10mins and breathe when you feel that intense feeling to stop the hurt or punish yourself. Usually, that intense moment will pass.
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Thanks I’ll try to wait ten minutes. I’m sorry I don’t know why I even tried anymore.
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Dearest Paladin, let’s agree for now to not overthink the “why” it happened, because you already are processing something difficult, which brings some intense emotions. For now, the priority for you is to stay safe and to find some peace/calm again. An attempt is like pressing a button that puts all of our emotions at the highest level. The times that come right after are made of vulnerability, so it will be important to still stick to your safety plan.
As for the reasons, when we read your messages we can see your thought process and you have mentioned a trigger for helping a friend. Feeling overwhelmed by someone elses struggles, in the sense that it makes us reflect on our own, and bring a lot of familiar feelings (helplessness, etc.), is a valid reason for spiraling and having a breakdown. Sometimes hearing over and over about dark things can make us lose focus of the beauty there is around us. It can affect us in ways we don’t necessarily see at first.
Make sure to be your own priority right now. You would not be selfish or failing anyone for doing so. 
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I feel like I am selfish for not helping others. I don’t know how to be the priority. It’s always been someone else. It’s always been focus on the next person. Help them out and deal with it. It’s always been others. How do I even only focus on myself when so many others need help to. That’s not rhetorical. Really how you focus on yourself and only yourself? How do you do it?
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i always say “you can’t pour water from a broken vessel”
Taking care of yourself is not selfish. Even if it IS selfish, you’re taking care of yourself to make yourself stronger so that you can help more people.
Imagine you were talking to another version of yourself. What advice would you give to a friend who’s in your present situation? What comforting words would you say?
There will always be someone who needs help. But we need you. We need you here, you’ve been awesome at helping and supporting so many folks here, and you’re always trying to make things better.
You deserve some of that effort to be directed from you to you. You’re worthy of the extra attention and care you give yourself, you deserve to be gentle and kind to yourself even when you don’t quite live up to your own expectations, you deserve forgiveness.
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I would say that they should take time to themselves. That they are worth the time and effort they put into themselves. But if I’m not helping others I feel so useless and my feelings of worthlessness go up.
I thought I learned to do that but I didn’t. I still haven’t forgiven. I don’t actually know if I can.
No I haven’t. Well I don’t think so.
I’ll try that. It can’t hurt.
I’ve kept track of it most times but not always. When they come it’s because I made a mistake or think I have. It also happens when I feel like I’ve hurt someone or when I feel like I need to be punished.
I do just exist and do what I need to do. I do the same thing when I have the urge to. I’m not doing anything special when I don’t have the urges.
Do they operate int the US? I’m asking because I’ve seen that number in reference to europe and want to make sure it does work here.
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211 is for America and (I think) Canada.
Please take time for yourself. @Sita is right. Read it as if it was someone else on the HS posting and try to put into practice the advice you’d give others. You’re worthy of help and recovery @Paladine and it doesn’t make you selfish for putting yourself first for the help and recovery you want and need.
There’s an app called healthy minds that I use for meditation, it’s literally a couple of minutes a day and you answer some questions about your personality before you start it so you can see your strengths. They do a free trial if you wanted to look into it.
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But it is selfish to take care of me. So many people need me to be there. I’m like weight barring support and if I go the rest goes. I have to make sure that doesn’t happen. I can’t let them all get hurt
Fuck I’m doh g the whole resistance thing ugh. I don’t know how to stol I’m sorry
You’re over thinking here buddy.
You can not pour love from an empty cup. You need to look after yourself to look after other people.
I wasn’t on here for last week because I needed to take care of myself so I could help others. It doesn’t have to be a long time! You’re always putting other people before yourself but this time you have to be number 1 for a little bit
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Just breathe like last night ok? Focus on your breathing and remember that you’re safe. We talked a long time last night about this so remember all that ok?
We can be consumed by managing other people’s issues instead of facing our own. Remember that.
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Yeah you’re right and I don’t know how to get out of it. I have so many comenimanes that I have to mainitat. If I don’t they might fall apart. I don’t know if I even have time for myself.
How do I do that without fail the people who need me. How? I have to help so many people and I can’t not do it.
Then I don’t know what I’ve been doing for the past year.