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Cheerleader in need

Hi, this is my first time using this resource. My friend showed me this, and I hope it’ll help. I have something called panic disorder along with regular anxiety. My dad is the problem in this example. I’m not doing so well in a class because I was absent and missed some stuff. I made the assignments up, but I didn’t do so well, so I’m still not doing well. He’s dissapinted In me, he hasn’t told me he loved me in a week. And now, because he doesn’t think my siblings and I are doing enough around the house, he took away all electronics and WiFi in the house. I can’t even do my homework, and without my phone I’m missing updates from my coaches and teachers, and I’m missing assignments. He comes home from work and yells nonstop. It’s gotten to the point where I’m crying myself to sleep, and I get woken up to be yelled at. I can’t go to the bathroom without being yelled at, this might sound overly dramatic but my house doesn’t feel like home anymore. My only safe space is when he’s not home. What do I do? How can I make this stop?

Do you have any other adults such as coaches or teachers you could confide this in? And has this kind of behavior happened before or is this sudden and unexpected?

And you’re absolutely right; this place definitely is not a home if it makes you anxious and panicked. Also what state or country are you in? I’d like to check state laws and resources to in your area if you think that would be helpful :slight_smile:

I live in Pennsylvania, and this happens a lot it’s just really bad now. I’ve been considering calling child protective services, because I think he might be emotional abusive. Thank you for helping me. And no, there’s no one that can’t help me. I’d get my parents in trouble and cause more stress.

Are you anywhere near Ligonier. I have a close friend that lives there that might be able to help in a pinch. And hold tight I’m gonna check some stuff. :slight_smile:

I live in lititz/ Manheim I’ll have to check where they is. Thank you!!!

Hey Mermaids, you’re also absolutely right. What’s going on is absolutely emotional abuse towards you and your siblings.

And something I want to say is: you don’t owe your parents anything. If you know what they are doing to you guys is wrong, then it’s wrong. I understand being scared about getting them in trouble. I grew up in an abusive household too. I didn’t leave for a multitude of reasons but no one should have to go through what I went through for as long as I did. And what you’ve described is exactly the same things I went through.

Now what decision to make is entirely your own. But I do think you absolutely should start collecting evidence and mentioning things to people even if it’s too vague for anyone to follow up on. That paper trail makes it much easier if you need a way out in the future.

And I’m sorry. This is probably one of the hardest things anyone has to go through. Most adults don’t come face to face with the ugly beast of abuse. And I know the exact feelings your feeling because I felt them too at the same age. I’m currently in college and I’m still dealing with the aftermaths. But what I want you to know is: you are your own person. You are strong and you have power. What happens to you isn’t your fault; it’s never the fault of the victim. And I’ll do whatever I can to help in whatever way you need :slight_smile:

And the awful truth: there is no way to make him stop because he thinks he is allowed to do this to his kids. He thinks it’s his right to do this to you and your siblings and he will keep doing it to you until you get away. My parents haven’t stopped it and I’m almost 20. My sister is almost 30 and my parents haven’t stopped doing it to her either. She was the only one I could count on. And still is. And I’m hoping to do my best to pay that forward here right now

Thank you so much! I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I’ll try and stay away from my dad. I love him dearly maybe I’ll try and talk to him, but I’m afraid. What should I say?

I’m sorry your going through this I know how tough that can be my step dad is a alcoholic and he just yells at me for nothing I swear to god. Anyway have you tried having a personal talk with your father and tell him how you’ve been feeling lately about his behavior. Can you talk to your mother or someone you really trust about the issue and see what they have to say? Do you know if something happened to your father that is making him act that way? I really hope you pull through try and see if you can stay at some other family members house for like a week so you could get a break from your father.

I’m going to try and talk to him, but I don’t know what’s I should say. He doesn’t take me seriously because I’m only 16.

Hey I personally don’t recommend trying that. Unless it’s worked in the past, I really don’t recommend trying it. It might turn out really bad. Like it will either cause him to stop or it will cause him to escalate and if he doesn’t take you seriously already, that’s not a good sign.

I tried that once and my openness caused my abuse to escalate. Because abusers they don’t care. They think they are in the right and that they get to hurt you. They know what they’re doing. That’s why they are doing it

Ok I’ll keep that in mind, maybe I’ll just ask my mom if i can stay with my grandmother for a week. She doesn’t treat me seriously either, but maybe if I show her the severity, she’ll understand.

I still think that you should let a coach or an adult know what’s going on. Even if it’s super vague of hypothetical, talk to a trusted adult in your life or to a trusted peer. This is really hard to get out of on your own, and trust me other people’s reactions are a better gauge than your own. I routinely say things from my childhood and have people stare at me and then I remember “oh right other kids don’t get screamed at or have affection withdrawn or get hit for things like struggling in school after an illness (yes that’s all happened to me; I also got accused of faking illnesses non stop and got sent to school with 103° fevers)”

And as for your mother: if she isn’t opposed to this behavior already. She’s probably complicit. For me, my mother was the abusive one and my father was complicit. He ignored what was happening because it made his life easier to not fight his insane wife.

That’s harsh, my parents aren’t that bad I know they love me, my dad just has these episodes, and it’s making my stress worse.

I’m sorry for stressing you out more. But you’re right about everything. More right that you realize. And please talk to the friend that showed you this resource. They’re a really good friend. :slight_smile: Try to stay in contact with them as best as you can.

And my abusers loved me too. It’s not the lack of love it’s the problem. It’s what they define love to be.

Thank you so much! If you don’t mind can I talk to you when I have a problem!

Yes! Absolutely. My Instagram is @great_walrus, my Snapchat is greatwalrus. Feel free to contact me there if you need to get ahold of me urgently. or DM me on this forum :smiley:

I feel like your father is going through something. Is this his typical attitude? Has anything happened in your family that you think might be affecting your father? I’m sorry for asking so many questions but i’m curious because stuff like this could affect a whole family especially with the way your feeling about it. I’m sure though your father will lighten up some families just go through stuff. I really do hope things get better for you sometimes I went to another family or friends house just to get a break from my parents.

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Is your name Andrew, I’m trying to make sure I have the right instagram

Yup that’s meee :smiley: I am the greatest of walruses (:3=

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He’s stressed from work all the time, and we do need to help out around the house more. But, he takes it out on us, and it hurts.

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