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Belongs to: https://forum.heartsupport.com/t/38249
Depression is something I suffer from. A lot of it comes from having to go through life completely and persistently alone and in ways most people can not imagine. My own natural born physical appearance made worse by a birth defect that has left me blind and permanently disfigured in one eye has made the simple act of making friends and acquiring spousal relations with women unachievable and impossible for me to attain. Because of this I’ve lived most of my life all alone. Such feelings of loneliness made exponentially worse by the untimely death of my mom. For she was literally the only person in this life with whom I’ve experienced any form of companionship. Every.morning when I wake up I’m hoping this life I’m living is just a nightmare. But unfortunately this is my reality.
I’m really sorry for the loss of your mum, it’s so hard to lose someone who you’re so close to. I know I can’t imagine how hard it’s been for you to overcome the challenges of what you’ve been through, but I am really happy that you’re here and talking. Maybe even people in this community can bring you support and friendship.
I don’t know what the support network looks like or if you’ve been able to connect with people who share your experiences, maybe it will help feel less alone.
Thank you for sharing with us, it’s not always easy to voice those feelings.
thank you for opening up about the struggles you face and the loneliness you experience. i know this sounds cliché but even if you think your eye birth defect causes women to not show interest in you, i think everyone deserves a partner who first and foremost loves the person on the inside. because the truth is that you have infinite value and worth. no matter the mistakes someone’s made, the trauma someone’s endured, or how anyone looks on the outside, a simple smile, laugh, and/or kindness alone can change someone’s day or life around. that, in turn, gravitates the people you need in your life. it sounds like connection in general is something you want and i truly believe you can find your people! volunteering for a cause you’re passionate about, joining community classes or meet-ups, etc. are solid ways to build confidence while also meeting people with similar interests. i truly hope things turn around for you soon, my friend, because waking up every morning thinking life is a nightmare is not a reality anyone should endure. i hope one day soon you can wake up and look forward to the day ahead. i believe in you to take those steps forward, you got this!!
First off, I want to express my condolences on the passing of your mom. I know that can be such a difficult thing to process, especially when we are extremely close to them.
Secondly, I want to thank you for trusting us enough with this and allowing us to come alongside you and support you through all of this.
Are there any groups that you could connect with that can help you process all of this? I know personally it is helpful to have people that understand what you are going through that can help you through everything. Take it one day at a time. Have patient with yourself. Find joy in each day. I know that is easier said than done, but I believe that you can achieve that.
You are important. You are valid. You are enough. You matter!
Hi Friend
Thank you for your post, I would first like to comment on how sorry I am that you lost your Mum, I cannot even imagine how hard that must have been. I spend 95% of my life completely on my own but I do have my Mum whom I speak to a few times a day and visit every few weeks so I can certainly relate to that part of your life. I do not know what living with partial blindness is like but having any disability and being alone must be incredibly difficult. Do you have any assistance? do you have visits from community workers? Have you ever considered day groups where you can do hobbies you have and get to know people? or even if you like walking a walking group. you might be able to find all sorts on line if you want to get out and about and meet people. I appriciate its difficult to make that first move but once you do it there will be no stopping you. This is your reality and your life and you deserve for it to be the best it can be. I wish you well. Lisa. x
@heartsupport you’re welcome. And it felt somewhat liberating and cathartic getting it all out and sharing what I’ve been keeping locked up inside of me
