Are you able to work somewhere else, like a library, café, or a book store?
Maybe if you can find a new environment to be in, when your home environment isn’t feeling great, you might be able to focus better. Just an idea! Hope things improve.
From foobertdoobert: I’m not anble to because most of the stuff I have to do involves photoshop and illustrator. And all the references are on my computer
From foobertdoobert: my dad just told me to get the fuck out of his face because I said he can’t be an asshole to me just because he says he hasnt had his coffee yet. He’s been an asshole all week. He’s mad because he can’t spend his gfs money because it’s being held at the bank. He thinks the whole world is against him whenever he can’t get his way. I locked my door because he used the same tone as when he verbally abused me. When he’s like this I wish he was dead
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I’m very sorry what you are going through hang in there.
I can relate to you when I lived with my dad forba year it was the worst year of my life and his mistress did a lot of evil to me I will keep you in my prayers my friend
Hey Foobertdoobert,
I’m so sorry that this has been happening at your home, and that on top of it it brings you back to times when you were verbally abused. It’s so frustrating when someone we live with is not in a good mood and tends to take it on others. Although it is something that we can all end up doing – being rude because we’re upset or in a bad mood --, it doesn’t excuse it. Respect still needs to come both ways.
It sounds like, for now, communication may be very difficult as this tension creates a vicious cycle with your dad – his frustration ends up being yours, which ends up being his again, so back and so forth. I truly hope that your dad will manage to deal with these emotions in a way that remains healthy for you as well as himself. In the meantime though, it is completely okay to try to take time for yourself as much as you can. Hopefully this tension will settle and it could be possible for you and him to discuss more peacefully about the way he speaks to you when he’s upset or angry.
If I may ask, what are things that helps you personally when there is this tension at home? Do you have any self-care activities to soothe yourself and take care of yourself?
Sending virtual hugs your way.
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Hi there foobertdoobert,
Dang, strained relationships with parents like that can sting so much. It’s particularly hurtful that it sounds like your dad is taking outside stressors (e.g., financials) and is taking them out on you – that can be such a challenge, and I’m sorry that you’re stuck dealing with that.
I’m wishing you the best as you navigate these challenges. You’re valued, and I’m glad you’re here.
-Tuna
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I’m really sorry that your relationship with your dad has ended up like this. I hope that you can either fix your relationship or get away from it. If not, here are some things that helped me in my situation,
Box breathing, 4 second breathing, 4 times.
Meditation, relaxing music etc.
Fab-C saying what your feeling, about that feeling, your belief about yourself, and your choice in this moment.
I do hope that these mechanism’s help you and find you on good terms. Stay safe!
PS (I love that name to an extreme extent, it made me laugh just thinking about it)
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From foobertdoobert: He acted completely normal today as if he never said that to me. He told me not to challenge him and that he’s here to help me, not hurt me. He’s probably just gaslighting me and it’s insnae
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From rosetw: I plan to move out soon but I can’t tell my parents, mom because she’s the worst, because of how I am and especially so after I got yelled at when I mentioned it a couple days ago. I don’t know what to bring besides clothes, essentials, phone, important stuff and valuables, my only pc which is a chromebook also my driving permit because I don’t have a license because I don’t know how to parallel park and some stuff but over all I am great just need to be better at turn signaling and a bit about turning. I will most likely have only around 2000 saved up by the time comes. I know it isn’t a lot but I can’t stay at home but I am also worried that I might back out because my self-confidence is shitty. I plan on giving my girlfriend constent to do anything to get me out. What all do I need to get out with? I want to be prepared the best I possibly can.
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From rosetw: I can’t stay because my mom has no self-awareness whatsoever which means she doesn’t even realize what she’s doing which makes everything horrible for me.
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From rosetw: My mental health has been declining to the point it is difficult for me to eat without getting sick to my stomach, it has started to affect my life around me because when I feel not right mentally then my voice gets lower when speaking and every bad thing feels even worse and so then my mom starts complaining asking me what’s wrong and then yelling at me when I say something wrong or can’t explain because I have difficulty explaining stuff because with my memory it is fragments so then I know something is wrong and it makes my life hell but when I go to explaining I can’t do it. Even then my mom has the, I’m right or everyone else is wrong attitude.
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From rosetw: I am losing weight and muscle faster than I can build muscle from exercising
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Hii rosetw
It sounds like you are having a real rough time, I’m sorry that you’re dealing with so much and not getting the support you need from home. Leaving or running away from home when you are not fully prepared might cause some problems, so really think this and be sure you have a solid plan.
Other than your girlfriend, do you have any family who could help you out?
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From foobertdoobert: I know exactly how it feels to walk on egg shells when living with family who are abusive. I am stuck due to finances but I am glad you are looking for a way out. Bring ALL your mail, documents, personal ID (birth certificate, drivers license, etc), personal items such as your valuables (you mentioned your computer, phone, etc), as much clothes you can fit in a bag or suit case in case you need to leave before you find a place (a shelter would be your last option or your gfs house in case of emergency).
I read a reddit post and they said they moved everything into their room that they needed and then they moved out before their mother got home or in the middle of the night. Do not tell them, do not give them notice. If they threaten you, call the police immediately and then call your girlfriend and her parents.
Look for shelter resources nearby if you need to leave in an emergency
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It’s a definite hard situation to be in, I’d like to echo what mystrose said and ask if you have any long term support besides your girlfriend? It could be a professional with mental health or other family. There is a lot to take in account and I don’t want to overload you with all the “what if” situations.
But I think what could be a good first step is to make sure that your mental well being is in a safe place to move and then perhaps that professional could help you take steps with what you need to either build communication with your family or if you still need to, then take steps to move out.
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Hi Rosetw
Thank you so much for posting. I am so sorry that your mental health is declining at present and that is is affecting you in different ways, that awful sick feeling you get in your stomach when you are stressed or anxious is truly horrible. I would encourage you to think very seriously before chosing to run away from your family home. Life out on your own can be so very hard even with your girlfriend assisting you. Please be sure to make sure you have a safety net in place and somewhere to turn if needed. We are here for you if you need to talk. Lisa. x
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Hey there,
It seems like you’re really having a tough time. I wanted to mention that a decision like this shouldn’t be made so quickly as there is a lot you need to move out. Apartment complexes require good credit, you have to earn 2 to 3 times your rent in order to skip the cosigning process, they require security deposits, and even having bare bones furniture and cookware can be costly. If you are not in immediate danger, i would advise you ask family member/s that you are having conflict with if they would attend a family therapy session. Having a neutral third party listen to all sides and give their unbiased opinion may help. I understand you may be frustrated by the thought of living at home, but I encourage you to give family therapy a try.
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Hi rosetw,
Thank you for sharing what you’re going through here. This sounds incredibly intense for you and I can tell you are juggling a million and one things in your mind at the moment.
I think I want to encourage you to step back from this for a moment, and just reflect on whether now is the time to make this decision. Maybe it is the right time, but I worry that you are making a lot of decisions suddenly. This is a big step for both you and your girlfriend to take and, like any big decision, it’s okay to spend a little time thinking it over before you go ahead.
I understand that you’re having problems communicating with your Mum and that she responds badly when you try to raise how she’s affecting you. Have you tried writing down everything you want to say instead of trying to remember it in the moment? Or even trying to get a trusted adult/counselor involved? You shouldn’t have to make this massive change in your life and maybe there’s a better and more gradual approach.
I’m only suggesting this because I want you to be safe. x
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hey rosetw,
I’m so sorry that you are in this really difficult situation. You are so brave to share your story here. There are some elements in your story that I can definitely relate to. Having a difficult relationship with my parents, wanting to cut contact with them, wanting just a completely different life from what you are having before. The last one is an assumption, but from the way you were writing, it feels like you would prefer the jump into the unknown. There were a lot of reasons I didn’t end up cutting off my parents. The most important ones were that I didn’t have a solid plan. I didn’t know how I would support myself financially. What things were necessary to live in the world. There are a lot of things that we need to think about when we want to be completely independent of the people who took care of us for a long time.
A thing that might be extremely helpful right now is looking for a mental health professional. They might be able to put out a plan for your needs and wants. I agree with what Mystrose, ManekiNeko, and others have already said: Do you have a long term support other than your current girlfriend? If not, is there a way that you can find a professional that can help you?
We care about you, that’s why we’re asking these things and pointing you to mental health professionals as well. Please feel free to keep us updated.
You’re Loved! 